Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

Divorce is a difficult situation for everyone involved, but it is especially hard on preschoolers. Little ones are often scared that they are going to lose their entire family and are confused by all the fighting and changes going on around them. If you think about how hard it is for an adult to deal with the swirl of hurt, anger, and other negative emotions that occur during a divorce, them you can imagine how much more difficult it is for a child who is just starting to get a grasp on these emotions.

Keep the following tips in mind when you talk to your preschooler about the changes that will be happening in all of your lives.

Tell Your Child Together

A preschooler still believes his parents are superheros. To experience divorce at this stage of his development can be very damaging if not handled properly. Sit down together to tell your child about the divorce. This age makes it even more important for you and your spouse, together, to tell your child about the divorce. You may even have to explain exactly what divorce is. Parents need to put aside their anger at each other, pull themselves together, and tell their child directly that "mommy and daddy are getting a divorce, but kids and parents never get divorced from each other, we both love you very much and both of us will always be here for you."

It's Not Their Fault

Reassure your child that the divorce is not their fault. Children this age tend to be egocentric which can cause them to believe that the divorce is their fault. They truly believe that they can control the universe and that everything that happens they have control over. You may have to tell your child more than once that the divorce is not their fault. Pay close attention to signs of regression which can happen at this age and address it immediately.

Give Details

Preschoolers have excellent imaginations. Be very specific about what will change, and what will not change. Be very direct, very straight forward and accurate. Do not make promises you cannot keep. If you have to move tell the child the truth. If daddy is going to have parenting time on weekends, tell the child. Explain everything in words that your child understands and offer to answer questions. Do not assign blame. Children do not need those kind of details.

Communicate

Keep the line of communication open between the child and the parent who is leaving the house. Teach the child how to dial the phone number, and make it very clear that both parents will still be available for her. Do not ever bad mouth the other parent no matter what. Children need both parents and you need to make sure they have both parents.

Keep Love Alive

Love your child more than you hate your ex and put aside the adult stuff in favor of creating healthy parent-child relationships. When you are in custody of your child, offer to call the other parent to tell them exciting discoveries. Children this age need encouragement in this regard because they are very sensitive to your feelings. Let them know it is okay to love, and care about their other parent. The most important thing you can do for your preschool child when you're going through a divorce is to respect their feelings about their other parent.

Stephanie L. Watson is the regular editor forBellaOnline's Divorce Site