Guest Author - Sonja Meyer

WORK & FAMILY CHOICE BOOK PICK: "What Kids Really Want That Money Can't Buy: Tips For Parenting In A Commercial World," by Betsy Taylor (Warner Books, 2003; 238 pages. Hard cover, $22.95).

Are you a parent struggling to balance work and family, striving to get ahead at the office so you can bring home more money to provide for your kids' every need… and every whim, even?

Money certainly makes the world go 'round. You need to furnish your family with the basics: a safe and comfortable home, food, adequate clothing, medical care, education and the like. But do you find yourself also caving into --- or wishing you could afford --- back-to-school clothing with pricey labels plastered across the chest for everyone to see, the latest and most expensive electronic games or gadgets and the many other materialistic cravings of your impressionable kids?

If so, here's a book for you: "What Kids Really Want That Money Can't Buy: Tips For Parenting In A Commercial World," by Betsy Taylor. The book speaks so intimately to the financial and lifestyle decisions facing many families that I've chosen it as the August pick for the Work & Family Book Club at BellaOnline.com.

The author, Taylor, is the founder and president of the Center For A New American Dream, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping families return to basic values and a more fulfilling, less consumeristic life. In fact, Taylor is donating her portion of the book's profits to the center.

"We need to help our kids regularly consider if they really want or need any given item --- and why," Taylor writes in the book. "In a world where two billion people live on one dollar a day or less, how many plastic toys do your children really need?"

The book has two parts. The first is the result of a Center For A New American Dream contest. More than 2,000 youngsters aged 5 to 17 submitted stories, essays and artwork answering: "What do you want that money can't buy?" The first part of this book reports on the children's answers, outlining 10 categories the kids indicated they wanted and illustrating them with excerpts of their answers. The 10 categories are: you (time with and support of parents); family (time with and support of extended family); free time; friends; nature; spirituality; to make the world a better place; acceptance and respect; and health.

"In a world where advertisers now target the age zero to 3 demographic group and boast of 'cradle-to-grave marketing,' there is a poignancy and urgency to kids' requests for simple experiences that humans have always found pleasurable --- walks in the woods, stories from grandparents, or chances to snuggle with parents by a fire," writes psychologist and author Mary Pipher in the foreword. "It's amazing that kids, who on average see 20,000 to 30,000 commercials a year are so wise about what they truly want and need."

Parents may feel enlightened by reading some of the children's heart-felt responses.

"The thing that I want that money cannot buy would probably be to be happy with being myself," writes Emily, 13. "It's like everyone has to be super skinny, wear the right clothes, and hang with the 'popular' people to be considered cool."

"My parents love me and buy me many things," writes Erika, 14. "But what tells me they love me the most is when they listen to me. Things are great, but what I really want is their time. Maybe go for a walk, and talk…"

The second part of the book contains the author's suggestions for how parents can deliver the non-commercial things kids say they want. She analyzes how advertising targets youngsters and convinces them they want -- need, even -- all the name-brand, cool, fast, popular clothing, toys, etc. Children today are also affected by their peers and the culture at large in their quest for things. Then she suggests how parents can combat that: limit and control television and Internet time; teach children what advertising is and work to avoid their "pester power" when they beg for purchases; and, what will perhaps be your child's favorite approach, "more fun, less stuff."

Instead of just leaving you with general philosophical admonitions to spend less money and more time, Taylor provides an extensive list of non-commercial activities to get you started, including baking projects; story-telling; games; outdoor ideas; arts and crafts; movement; music; make-believe; and more. She also offers ideas on downplaying the materialism at birthdays and holidays.

Taylor ends by saying there is one thing that beats out commercialism: love. "Unlike the competitive race for more as a tactic for maximizing aliveness and happiness, love has more to do with opening our hearts and less to do with getting ahead." Love, after all, is the one thing kids and adults alike want that money cannot buy.