Guest Author - Jennifer Minekheim

Yesterday I felt like getting out of the house, so I decided to take a walk on this beautiful little island about twenty minutes away from my home in Southern California. It was the perfect setting--- about 5:30 on a Saturday evening; warm, sunny, and quiet once I got off the main drag and began walking on the path that circles the island. It was as peaceful and beautiful as I knew it would be when I set off in my car to go there. I should have been content, but I wasn’t.

Why wasn’t I happy strolling along, looking at the beautiful houses and the gleaming white boats lining the docks? The notorious Green Monster was ruining my good time. That’s right--- I was jealous, plain and simple. Instead of enjoying the beautiful fragrant flowers lovingly planted on the porches of beach cottages I passed, I was consumed with envy. All I could think of was how much I would like to live in those homes on the water, reminiscent of the houses that line the canals in Italy. When I saw people barbecuing on their front porches while sipping a glass of wine, I could only think, “How did you get this life instead of me? What did you do to deserve this?”

Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was being silly when I was thinking this. I am well aware of the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I am healthy and I have family, friends, and a mate who love me. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a job that allows me to live a comfortable, middle class life. I knew this at the time, but I still could not be happy. I finished my walk and went home.

It’s normal to want more than you have. America was founded by people who wanted to make a better life for themselves and for future generations. The desire to improve our station in life is part of what drives many of us to improve our education and succeed. We try to teach our children that they deserve the best and that if they work hard enough, anything is possible. So when does wanting more become a problem? When you can’t be content with what you have now. Everyone gets a little jealous now and then, but you can’t enjoy your life if you can only see what you don’t have.

How do we break the cycle of negativity? It isn’t always easy or immediate. First, take stock of your life. If it makes it easier to literally “count your blessings”, make a list of the things in your life that make you happy. They can be concrete items like money, a home, or your family. They can also be more abstract things that bring you joy, like listening to a favorite CD, the aroma from your garden, or the view out your kitchen window.

Next, make a list of the things you don’t have that you want. You can put anything you want on there, but group them together by things that are realistic, like a nicer car, and things that might be a little more difficult, like a beautiful cottage on an exclusive island. When you’re thinking about the things that you really want, think about the negative aspects of having them. For example, along with my beach cottage, wine sipping life may come horrendous property and income taxes, and the fear of losing it all. After you’ve done that, evaluate the list and decide what items you want to strive for, and make a plan to get them.

Set measurable goals for yourself. Break them down into small, achievable steps. Say you want your dream home. Instead of a vague, immeasurable goal like “I will be rich.”, you can say, “I will save two hundred dollars a month.” Then you can plan how you will do that. Maybe your plan would be, “I will work 10 hours of overtime a week.”, or “I will cut out restaurant meals and lattes.” It doesn’t matter what the goals are as long as they are realistic and measurable. Then set a date to reevaluate your plan, and adjust it as needed.

Now, making a formal plan might not be necessary for everyone. Sometimes, all it takes is seeing your blessings written down on paper to make you realize how fortunate you really are. If that doesn’t work for you, however, instead of continually thinking of all you don’t have, figure out what you can have, and make a plan to go get it. You are in control of your life. If you’re not happy with the life you have, go out and get the life you want!