Guest Author - Rev. Jaclin Meade Scott
Unless you’ve been under a rock since St. Patrick’s Day, you’re well aware of Sunday. If you’re a child or a parent, this may be a tough one.
Are you sad? Out of sorts and you can’t quite figure out why? Angry? Disappointed because it didn’t live up to your expectations?
Weellllll, let’s look at some of this stuff.
But first, there is a very important thing to remember in all of this. Write this down, please. Logic and emotion don’t mix. Oil and water. What your heart tells you makes absolutely no sense to your brain. What seems the smart thing to do does NOT compute with your gut feeling. This is a fact of human nature.
Sad and angry can be mixed together if your mother has died. No matter how old we get, there are times we want our Mommies. We resent that she died too soon.
We know we’re adults, so how can we feel like orphans? We may even feel abandoned. If you had a good relationship with Mom, this is NORMAL. Yeah, really.
If you had a difficult mother, you resent that she was like that. You want the Mommy you always dreamed of, not the Witch of the East. You feel cheated. You’re probably of the philosophy that Mother’s Day was invented by the flower and card industry, for the sole purpose of padding their accounts. That’s all stuff from your broken heart. So now let’s ask a brain question. If she was all that bad, why are you allowing her to still have so much power over your life? Why do you still spend so much time and energy being angry? Today, decide that you are going to get some help getting rid of this emotional junk, and take your life back. It’s up to you.
For those of you longing to be parents, Mother’s Day can really beat you up. Men and women both can be resentful of the families celebrating Mom. Why not us? When is it our turn? Know that our hearts go out to you. Aside from the medical support you may be getting, there is great strength to be found in groups of people who know your distinct pain. Find them. Talk, talk, talk. You will recover. You will feel joy again. Give it more time. But until then, talk!
Adoption gives a particular twist to Mother’s Day. If I gave a baby up, am I a Mom? Yes. Celebrate. It’s okay that no one celebrates with you, or even acknowledges your parentage. Celebrate the opportunity you had to offer a better life to your child. Celebrate the strength it took to do that. Write your child a letter. Look to the future.
Adopted, and Mother’s Day makes you wonder about Bio Mom? Write her a letter. Talk to your parents. Know that you did nothing “wrong”, causing Bio Mom to “give you away”. Read books by adoptees. Join a registry for people searching. Celebrate. Some people cared for you very much, and did what they could to make your life better.
Guys have a different relationship with their mothers than women do. Either they’re very close and hopelessly devoted, or they’re grabbing something for Mom at the truck stop. Either way, they sometimes have trouble with this day. Ladies, help them out. Talk, talk, talk. Guys, try it, you’ll like it!
Look at the series of articles on Mother’s Day on the Bereavement page of BellaOnline. It’s a major, major landmine of grief. Go easy on yourselves today, all of you.
A word here about death bed confessions and reconciliations. They mostly only happen in the movies. Stop waiting for the film crew. They’re not coming. If you’ve got something eating at you, gnawing questions, suck up and open the dialogue now. Do not sentence yourself to a lifetime of “What if”. Resolution brings inner peace and