g Text Version
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
News & Politics
Religion & Spirituality
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies

Bored? Games!
Take a Quiz
Rate My Photo

Natural Living
Folklore and Mythology
Distance Learning

All times in EST

Full Schedule
g Divorce Site

BellaOnline's Divorce Editor


The Emotional Process of Divorce

Guest Author - Caren Green

There are a few people that leave a marriage with no doubt or regret; these are people that didn't share a close emotional bond with their spouse, or gradually grew apart over such a long period of time that their emotional processing of the divorce was mostly done with before the process of divorce was ever implemented.

For the rest of us, the most difficult aspect of divorce is accepting that someone that we loved as part of our family - as the person closest to us in our entire life - is not going to be there anymore. While it may sound like strange terminology, there is a "grieving" process that each of us most go through in accepting the losses that we have in divorce, whether the loss is one of a close relationship, a sense of partnership or just our hopes of what the marriage would have been. If we do not grieve the end of a relationship we will never emotionally leave it behind; it will follow us into our new, divorced life as well as our future relationships. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published a book titled On Death and Dying in 1969, that contains Five Stages of Grief that are still very relevant in the divorce process. They are:

1. Denial. Refusal to accept something. We may choose not to believe that this is truly happening, or that it is permanent. (In a relationship, this is static; sometimes separation or divorce are not permanent.) During a period of emotional upheaval, it is immensely important to rely on your intellect rather than your emotions to decide whether this needs to be a permanent decision, or is something that can be repaired.

2. Anger. We may experience anger at ourselves for "losing" our spouse or for not having chosen better earlier on, or we may be angry at our spouse for not living up to our expectations. We may just be angry that we have to make life changes.

3. Bargaining, or trying to prevent or change the situation to prevent an unwanted result. Once the decision is made and finalized, it is important not to unreasonably attempt to prevent your divorce by compromising yourself, your spouse, or your children. Trust your judgement, and accept that there are good reasons that you are in this predicament. Keep your safety, your future and your history in mind.

4. Depression may be the ugliest stage of the process. We will mourn the losses that we have and grieve over the change in plans. This is a very important stage of divorce, and every person handles this part a little differently. Allow yourself an appropriate time to mourn (some therapists recommend a third of the length of your relationship) and avoid finding comfort in unhealthy choices like immediately pursuing another relationship, excessive drinking or other distractions. Instead, find a healthy outlet for your emotions. Write, paint, sing or just allow yourself time to work through them. Do not allow yourself to neglect important parts of your life, though!

5. Acceptance. In the final stage, you realize that you are fine, and the change was just another doorway to new things.

Best of luck to you wherever you are on the path! If you need a support network, please check our forums for some friendly encouragement!
This site needs an editor - click to learn more!

Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Twitter Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Facebook Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to MySpace Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Digg The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Yahoo My Web Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Google Bookmarks Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Stumbleupon Add The+Emotional+Process+of+Divorce to Reddit

RSS | Related Articles | Editor's Picks Articles | Top Ten Articles | Previous Features | Site Map

For FREE email updates, subscribe to the Divorce Newsletter

Past Issues

Printer Friendly
tell friend
Tell a Friend
Email Editor

Content copyright © 2018 by Caren Green. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Caren Green. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact BellaOnline Administration for details.


g features
Archives | Site Map


Past Issues

Note: BellaOnline uses cookies to help provide a consistent user experience. Our advertisers may use cookies to help customize ads. Please contact us with any question about our cookie use.

Summertime Foods
Corn on the Cob
Burgers on the Grill
Apple Pie


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2018 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

BellaOnline Editor