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Math Humor from Yesteryear


"When was money first invented?"
"I don't know. When was it?"
"When the dove brought the greenback to Noah."

*****
JACK—"My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time."
FRED—"That's nothing, my wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."

*****
A CHIMNEY-SWEEPER'S boy went into a baker's shop for a twopenny loaf, and conceiving it to be diminutive in size, remarked to the baker that he did not believe it was weight. "Never mind that," said the man of dough, "you will have the less to carry."—"True," replied the lad, and throwing three half-pence on the counter left the shop. The baker called after him that he had not left money enough. "Never mind that," said young sooty, "you will have the less to count."
*****

"There's a young woman who makes little things count."
"How does she do it?"
"Teaches arithmetic in a primary school."

*****
AN Irish counsellor having lost his cause, which had been tried before three judges, one of whom was esteemed a very able lawyer, and the other two but indifferent, some of the other barristers were very merry on the occasion. "Well, now," says he, "I have lost. But who could help it, when there were an hundred judges on the bench?—one and two ciphers."

*****
"MY notion of a wife at forty," said Jerrold, "is, that a man should be able to change her, like a bank-note, for two twenties."
*****
"Why so glum, Blumly? Anything gone wrong?"
"Yes, I've just lost two of my best friends."
"By death or marriage?"
"Neither. I loaned them money."

*****
WHEN the Earl of Bradford was brought before the Lord Chancellor, to be examined upon application for a statute of lunacy against him, the chancellor asked him, "How many legs has a sheep?"—"Does your lordship mean," answered Lord Bradford, "a live sheep or a dead[Pg sheep?"—"Is it not the same thing?" said the chancellor. "No, my lord," said Lord Bradford, "there is much difference; a live sheep may have four legs; a dead sheep has only two: the two fore legs are shoulders; but there are but two legs of mutton."


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Content copyright © 2014 by Beverly Mackie. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Beverly Mackie. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Beverly Mackie for details.

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