Here are some of the best ones I chose:
“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."
"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."
"Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."
"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure."
"If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else."
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
"As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold."
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
"It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions."
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire."
"If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered."
~Edgar Allan Poe
"People who snore always fall asleep first."
"The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement."
"Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object."
~Joseph Addison, The Spectator
"The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor's Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous."
~Alan Coren, The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions, 1977
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