Guest Author - Lauren Evans

So this week saw Belinda and Rex up for eviction, and as predicted by your ever-reliable British Television ed, Belinda Jazz-Hands was rightly evicted on Friday. Belinda even tried to bully Davina into doing lunch during her exit interview, which was met with a polite but firm “No”. Let’s just hope she doesn’t get an agent. But that wasn’t the most exciting thing about last week, as Week 7 saw the first ever Big Brother Head of House elected.

After a rousing political campaign, Darnell was elected Head of House, and his first task was to decide which housemates would reside in Heaven, and which in Hell. The Hell quarters are cramped, and housemates are forced to live in the former B Block, with prison camp beds, hard stools to sit on, no pool and the ashtray for smoking in. The Heavenly housemates enjoy the luxury bedroom, the pool area, a luxury jail (which is indoors – cushty!), a smoking area with sun loungers and a canopy and all the parties they could want.

Former luxury bedroom inhabitants Luke, Bex and Lisa severely struggled with the sleeping arrangements, and Bex became incredibly distressed by the fact that she was denied an angel suit, which was issued as standard to every Heavenly housemate for their first party. The Heavenly housemates lapped it up, as they had plenty of booze and party food being provided every two days, and not much to do for entertainment except watch the Hell residents work their fingers to the bone. Hell housemates got the worst tasks, such as peeling potatoes to earn the chance to nominate and cycling the “Tour de Grand Frère” on rather uncomfortable-looking racing bikes, while the Heavenly housemates dabbled in the art of mime, wine-tasting and a spot of competitive eating.

Unfortunately apart from Bex, who whinged like a toddler all week, the Hell housemates all adopted the Blitz spirit, and cheerily threw themselves into their tasks (ignoring Rex’s cries of “Peasants!” which were being bellowed over the divide), their prime objective to show Heavenly housemates their morale was high and their team spirit stronger than ever. It was all very disappointing. Until the food fight.

Dale and Stu spent an inordinate amount of time making small paper bombs filled with something squidgy and icky, and waited for a lull in the Heavenlies non-stop party before mounting a shock and awe campaign on the living room. Before you could say “Food fight!” jugs of water, flour and all sorts of messy nonsense was being flung around the house. Bex, being a bit crap at everything, failed to understand the basics of hiding behind a door and ended up in the middle of the house being pelted from all sides, which I (and I’m probably not alone in this) found incredibly satisfying to watch. Big Brother spoiled the fun as always, reminding housemates to respect the furniture and fittings. Pah.

And just as Darnell decided to prove the old adage that power corrupts, by making Sarah cook him food that he didn’t even want, his important rosette was cruelly snatched away from him. After the hanging gorilla task that saw Bex crying and giving up (who, Bex? Surely not!) after just three minutes, Dale won to become Head of House for the coming week. Let’s just hope he picks some of his B Block buddies to join him, or there’ll be more tears at bedtime.

The future hangs in the balance for Darnell, Kat and Mohamed, as after they broke the rules and ate bananas supplied for the gorilla tasks, they’ve been asked to pack their bags! Surely this can’t be the end??

My eviction prediction – Maysoon, the stealth housemate who brings new meaning to the word boring…

For the win – Kat, of course! But they should just buy her £100k worth of cookies instead of giving her the money. Omnomnomnom.