Guest Author - Tracy Hamilton
It has been reported by BBC.co.uk, that 51% of people living in the UK are single, with many of them being single parent families. I meet people all the time who are divorced or divorcing their spouse, and it has become more the norm than the exception.
Made me wonder why this is the case. Did people come together for the wrong reasons and just make do for years? Or are we too picky and reluctant just stay with someone and make a ‘go’ of it?
There is so much in the media and relationship websites about how to find your soul mate and the perfect love of you life, which I think can make us look at what we have and question if it is as amazing as the websites say it ‘should’ be.
We compare what we have, which may be perfectly fine, but with the claims of true love and stories of finding our soul mate being extolled, our own lives can seem to be less than perfect.
It takes time to build a lasting relationship, and to really get to know your partner. In my work I have spoke to some people who have been married for years, and still don’t feel like they really know their partner at all.
I meet woman who are desperate to be in a relationship, and fall in love with the first guy that comes along. They try to make it fit, and become attached to being with someone instead of really looking at the reality of the person they are dating.
Being attached tends to create a neediness in us, which can make us feel insecure and neurotic. We can then act irrationally, out of character and make too many compromises to please the other person.
We shouldn’t have to persuade another person to be with us, if it doesn’t feel right, or gel naturally then surely it is better to be single? Do you really want to invest a lot of time and energy with someone that you know deep down is the ‘wrong’ person for you?
When dating and finding out about each other, it can take a while to really see the other person for who they are, and what qualities they possess. Too often people are not being honest, and are trying to put forward their best qualities, but not really being themselves in the process.
It is worth taking the time to know if you are just attached to being in a relationship, or if you really are in love with them. It could save a lot of heartache later on if/when things fall apart.