"We just know that Ian was meant to be ours, it just took us a while to find him," Lena said and smiled at her husband Mark. "We believe that we were infertile so we would be ready when Ian needed a home." I've talked to dozens of couples like Lena and Mark. In every case, once they have adopted a baby they tell me that they are sure it was meant to be. Adopting does not lessen the pain of infertility, and it is certainly not a cure. Adopting does allow a childless couple to become parents and it allows a baby or child to have a permanent home. I have been part of adoption since my own birth into a family created partly through adoption.

Adoption can be overwhelming in the beginning so it is a good idea to educate yourself to get an idea of the many types of adoption. Chances are one way or another will pull at you and you'll start moving in the direction that will eventually lead you to a child. For many adoptive families they research more than one way and eventually find the one that is right for their family.

Adoptions can take place with a baby or a child of any age. They may be done locally, across the country or in another country. The birth parents may choose the adoptive family, or the family may be chosen by an agency.

It is important to deal with your feelings of grief surrounding infertility before moving forward to adopt. Not only is this important for your own emotional health, but it is a question you will likely get from an adoption agency so it is a good idea to have a well thought out answer. There are a number of counselors who specialize in helping infertile couples process their grief and their feelings about not giving birth.

Read about the various types of adoption: domestic or international, private or public agency, infant or older child, healthy child or special needs. The more you know the better equipped you will be to make decisions and choose an agency.

Public agency adoptions are usually the least expensive. While most people considering adoption think of an infant, there are over 500,000 children in foster care in the US. Nearly 2 out of 3 of those children will need permanent homes. Often these kids come with a history and emotional issues that are not for the faint of heart, but the rewards are profound if you have the resources to help these kids. In addition, this is the most cost effective type of adoption and in many cases is free or nearly so. Special needs children often receive a monthly stipend even after adoption to help their new parents meet their needs.

International adoptions can be very expensive. Ranging from about $8,0000 for Haiti to over $50,000 in some cases for Russian adoptions, these adoptions can also be time consuming. In many cases it can take a year to complete an international adoption and longer is not unheard of. On the plus side, the adoption is usually final when you bring your child home or soon after.

Private adoptions or private agency adoptions can sometimes be faster, but they are also pricy $20,000 or more is quite common. If you happen to know a birth mother and you live in a state with flexible adoption laws these adoptions can be inexpensive, but this is not the norm.

A great place to start is with the book "Beating the Adoption Odds." It explains the several different options in adoption and how to improve your chances of playing the adoption game successfully.



An excellent book on raising adopted children:



An absolute MUST READ if you are considering adopting a child older than a few weeks:



The BEST book available for adopting an older infant or toddler:



Adopting after infertility is challenging in many ways that aren't apparent at first. This book is a wonderful guide: