Guest Author - Tracy Hamilton
Many people embark on a relationship in an attempt to make them feel better, or to save them from their percieved boring life. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who has nothing going on in their life?
When you know and love yourself, you are more likely to be ready for a proper relationship. One that is not based on being rescued or making the object of your affection your whole world. Rather, it is based on finding a mate that can add to your already fabulous life.
Why do people feel inadequate when they are not in relationships? It can be great being single; you have an opportunity to really get to know yourself, indulge in your hobbies, spend time with friends, and to prepare yourself for your next relationship.
Relationships can bring an opportunity to share with another, and to work towards common goals. If you go into a relationship unable to do that for another, then you are not ready to be in a ‘proper’ relationship. You have nothing to offer, and you are expecting them to save you from your so called terrible life.
The thing is, this is your life and you should enjoy it whether you are with someone or not. Do the things you want someone else to do for you, buy yourself flowers, and treat yourself to the things that you enjoy. Don’t wait for someone else to validate you or make you feel special. Know that you are special anyway.
Loving yourself includes:
Treating yourself to your favorite meal.
Buying yourself the nice things that you want.
Having strong boundaries, and being able to say ‘no’ to others.
Putting yourself first.
Being honest and authentic about who you are, and what you want/need.
Not doing anything you don’t want to do just to please another.
It is important that you have strong boundaries as they keep you ‘safe’. When you tune into what you need, how you feel safe, what you like to do, and let go of the things that you do to please others; you will start to feel more confident and able to be yourself.
Being independent, knowing yourself, and being able to speak your truth all add to making you a beacon to others. Instead of looking to be saved, you become someone who is free to have fun, and enjoy themselves. You are less likely to have hang ups about yourself, and more likely to be confident and happy in yourself..
When you do meet someone, especially when you just start dating, don’t give up your life for them. That tells your partner that your life isn’t really that important to you, and you are willing to give it all up for them.