Guest Author - Danielle Deovlet
The old adage goes that in order to love someone else you must love yourself. This usually includes knowing yourself, feeling comfortable in who you are or where you are going. You are expected to know and be certain before you date someone new. But there are times in life when you just arenít sure. You arenít sure about who you are. Or you arenít sure about where you are going. It really can be anything. While I would definitely not recommend searching out a relationship during those times, what should you do to maintain a current relationship or begin a new one with someone who you truly care about?
Be Honest. While this seems obvious, it is often difficult to open up to someone about uncertainty with yourself. If you are feeling uncertain and need a bit of space from your loved one, take a risk and open up to them. Let them know how you are feeling and why so that they do not feel as though you are simply unsure of them. If you are beginning a new relationship in a period of uncertainty, let them know that you need to take things slowly and explain to them why. If they are really in it because they care about you, this will not deter them from seeking a relationship.
Donít take the relationship to a new level. If you are dating, continue dating. If you are together, donít move in together. If you are living together, you probably should not get engaged. This can seem discouraging, but if you are unsure of your identity and take a relationship to another level, you can very easily end up basing your identity on that. The excitement that a new relationship or situation can bring could fool you into thinking that you have found yourself, when really you are only experiencing something new.
Allow yourself time to reflect, but donít dwell. Your loved one will want to bet there for you. In a healthy relationship, you should support each other and that means that they will likely want to talk to you. Allow yourself alone time to reflect and time with your partner to discuss, but donít dwell on your dilemmas. You will find yourself just becoming discouraged. No one is likely to find themselves or their calling while discouraged!
Take time for yourself. While it can be difficult to do this as you may want to spend all of your spare time with your loved one, make sure that you have time to just be you. Whether you need to find a new hobby, job search, make new friends, or really just think make sure you have that time. Just make sure that youíre honest and open about why you need the time!