Guest Author - Kris Bigalk

Disciplining any child is tough, but it can be even tougher when you have two or more to deal with. Here are some ideas to keep in mind.

Twins are Individuals
Each of your twins, even if they're identical, has his/her own personality and thresholds for frustration, anger, discomfort, etc. Resist the urge to always discipline your twins the same way. For example, if one twin likes to play computer games and the other likes to watch television, taking away television privileges for both only really punishes one of them, which isn't fair. Tailor disciplinary techniques to the personality of the child. Some children collapse into a puddle if mildly rebuked. Others need firmer explanations to get the message. Know each of your children and their needs.

Avoid The Blame Game
Twins, like all siblings, will try to blame things on each other, and/or try to convince you that you aren't being fair. Don't even enter into a debate, especially if you didn't see what happened. If neither twin will 'fess up, discipline both by taking away a privilege. If you are being accused of unfairness by one or both twins, just refuse to talk about it, and tell them that they must drop the subject or lose a privilege immediately.

Set Firm, Consistent Limits
Make rules and stick to them, or set specific times when rules are lifted. For example, if you don't allow your kids to jump on the bed, you must discipline them every time they do it; otherwise, you send the message that the rules are only in effect sometimes, which is confusing for children. You can also set specific times for the behavior, such as three minutes of bed jumping before bedtime, and only with a grownup present.

Teach Social Skills
Be an example to your children of the values you want to instill in them. Let them see you being honest, kind, polite, and in control. If your kids see you getting angry and out of control, they receive the message that they can also behave this way. If they see you telling lies, being snide, sarcastic, or mean, they will try out these behaviors on you and others. The effects are even worse when the children are on the receiving end of angry outbursts, untruths, and belittlement. If you need help learning how to cope (and we all feel that way sometimes), consider enrolling in a local parenting class through your local school district. If you feel so frustrated you think you might hurt one or both of your children, call 1-800-4-A-Child to get information on a crisis nursery in your area.

Use 1-2-3 Magic!
The book 1-2-3 Magic! is recommended and used by teachers, counselors, and parents all over the country. I personally have used the techniques in this book with wonderful results. Whether you choose to use the 1-2-3 rules for "stop" behaviors or the poker chip system for "go" behaviors (or both), you'll find that your headaches are not so frequent.


1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12