Guest Author - Lauren Evans

Well, that was Week 4 and Sylvia and Mohamed were up for eviction. Mohamed, mainly because he can’t seem to stop stuffing his face, while the rest of the housemates struggle to make the food budget stretch (The Day Of Three Breakfasts was apparently the final straw for most fellow inmates). And Sylvia. Presumably the other housemates dislike her for the same reason that I do – because of her bunny-boiler antics with Stuart. Utterly cringeworthy stuff at it’s best - retreating into the bedroom to wail loudly to all the other housemates that her (completely imaginary) relationship with Stu was unfair on her boyfriend outside, in full view of Stu who clearly wanted the ground to open up and swallow him – and culminating in her shaking the poor boy awake in the dead of night and stage whispering “Stop flirting with me then!” into his bemused ears, making sure she got the final word in on an argument that he didn’t even know he was having.

It was probably a big relief for a dazed and violated Stu when Sylvia got the boot on Friday night, although the whole thing was completely overshadowed by another major drama. Now I’d just about warmed to Dennis (the chubby Scottish Perez-Hilton-a-like) after seeing him in his element, as choreographer for the treadmill dance stunt task. It was therefore a major surprise when after a huge bust-up between Jen and Rex over a pizza-defaced painting, he spat in Mohamed’s face and was thrown out of the house for aggressive (and downright icky) behaviour! It’s a bit scary that only a few weeks in, we’ve had the same number of housemates chucked out for violent behaviour as have been evicted – the BB bosses must be spiking the water with PCP to send them all over the edge. I find it unlikely Dennis will have queues of people lining up for his dance tuition in the coming months, perhaps he should concentrate on musicals. I’d start with a bit of Gobbert and Salivan myself (*groan*).

Bex and Darnell are the only young lovers setting the night on fire at the moment (Dale seems to have gone off Jen a bit after seeing her horrible crying face – but at least she can go into competitive gurning when the BB money dries up). Darnell professed his undying love for Rebecca, but just as she was about to “put out” (so he thinks) the Jen/Rex fight kicked off and Darnell was left out in the cold. When will he realise that she has no interest in him whatsoever unless she’s drunk her weight in BB branded lager?

After being denied her cookies due to the shopping list coming in over budget, savvy Kathreya has befriended chef Rex so that he can make her cookies. Truly a match made in heaven.

Luke is a cross between your nan and a Chuckle Brother. Terrifying!

Boo of the week goes to Mario rubbing Lisa’s back in that pervy way, and also to Lisa for shaving her tosh in the bath! Get a room, you hideously muscular freaks.

Kat FTW!