Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

According to freedictionary.com the definition ofacceptance is: The act or process of accepting.

This tells me that to get to acceptance that you must do something. You must act on something. It will not just happen automatically. So, what are some concrete things that you can do in order to get to acceptance?

1. Do not dwell on the past. It is ok to be healthily angry or sad about the past and the resulting affects on your present and future, but it is not ok to dwell on it. If you find your mind going over too many “what ifs” and thoughts that do not make today better or that you have no control over, try to revert your attention to something more positive. One idea is to write the bad thoughts down in a diary, allowing only one page a day, ending with at least three good thoughts.

2. Do not seek to punish. It is not your job to punish people for their sins. That is someone else’s job, either God, or nature, or the universe, not yours. Your job is to seek knowledge in the mistakes you have made so that you do not repeat them. You cannot force anyone else to “see the light” and you should not waste your precious time trying.

3. Learn the art of forgiveness. This is one of those things you will read on every divorce website and every divorce article and hear in every councilors office. Nevertheless, just because you’re tired of hearing it, doesn't’t make it any less true. Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself and you should consider reading every book you can find on the topic if you’re struggling with this. Anything can be forgiven to the point where you can move on from the past and not allow yourself to continue being a victim to others. Anything.

4. Practice makes perfect. Yes it’s true, when you actively practice something, anything, you can become better at it. When a situation arises, think to yourself, “Can I really affect any sort of change here?” “Is this really under my control?” If it is not under your control and you are powerless to change it, move on. Shake it off and move on. For example, if your ex is always 15 minutes late to pick up his child for visitation, is it that big of a deal in the whole scheme of the world? Your child is healthy, you are healthy, and the world will not end. Don’t react to something so minuscule which brings me to the last tip to get to acceptance.

5. Pick your battles. Being 15 minutes late for pick up is annoying, but if you know the person is always going to be late, then you adjust your schedule and don’t react. The less you react, the less certain types of people will do to get your goat. If your teen-aged daughter puts streaks in her hair, or cuts it, while on visitation with her father… and you hate it and she knows you wouldn’t have allowed it, don’t react. You are not in control of the other parent’s choices, and neither is the child. Let it go. Move on, accept that in some cases you have power to “do” and in some you don’t.