Guest Author - Tracy Hamilton
Many times people are searching for a relationship, without really knowing what it is they want, or what is involved to be in a long term relationship.
Relationships are complex, with both people involved having their own agenda. Do you know what your agenda is for a relationship? Unless you know what it is that you want there is a chance that you will date continually, and try to make them all a fit for you.
Do you have a list that has to be fulfilled or are you open to experience the new people that come into your life? Often times when there are too many preferences there is no flexibility, and there is a danger of always picking fault, and not seeing the gifts the person in your life is bringing you.
Donít get me wrong, it is good to have boundaries and a sense of what is acceptable for you. For example if you are vegan would you date a meat eater, or if you are a non-smoker would you date a smoker? Sticking to your moral standards is important, but whether they wear white socks or have dark hair is not such a deal breaker.
No matter what potential you see in them, you have to accept them as they are now, and not the version you think you can change them to become.
Being with someone long term takes commitment on both sides, and an ability to see each others points of view. Communication and compatibility are key to any relationships success. Do you feel emotionally charged when you are with them, or connected peacefully at a deeper level?
Emotionally charged encounters tend to be karmic and often painful. They may feel like the real thing at the time as you have butterflies and feel out of control around them, whereas a deeper connection feels safe, comfortable and easy.
We can sometimes miss the deeper connection with someone as it can be seen as a brother or sister kind of relationship. However, it is this kind or connection that can have longevity. The emotional reaction feels exciting, but it is also highly charged, and can lead to neediness or possessiveness in the long term.
Being with someone on a deeper level needs emotional maturity, and an ability to really accept another for who they are and not feel threatened by them. Can you accept them, their friends, hobbies and lifestyle without feeling insecure? Do they make you feel safe and secure?
To love someone truly is to know them deeply and not just superficially. You have to be able to accept who they are and make space for them in your life. Are you ready for that?
It seems to me that usually one is ready to commit while the other just wants fun, so knowing what you both want from the start can prevent heartache further down the road.