Guest Author - Rev. Jaclin Meade Scott
Unless you’ve been under a rock since Memorial Day, you’re well aware of what day it is. If you’re a child or a parent, this may be a tough one.
Are you sad? Out of sorts and you can’t quite figure out why? Angry? Disappointed because it didn’t live up to your expectations?
Weellllll, let’s look at some of this stuff.
But first, there is a very important thing to remember in all of this. Write this down, please. Logic and emotion don’t mix. Oil and water. What your heart tells you makes absolutely no sense to your brain. What seems the smart thing to do does NOT compute with your gut feeling. This is a fact of human nature.
Sad and angry can be mixed together if your father has died. No matter how old we get, there are times we want our Daddies. We resent that he died too soon.
We know we’re adults, so how can we feel like orphans? We may even feel abandoned. If you had a good relationship with Dad, this is NORMAL. Yeah, really.
If you had a difficult father, you resent that he was like that. You want the Daddy you always dreamed of, not Scrooge. You feel cheated. You’re probably of the philosophy that Father’s Day was invented by the clothing, sports and card industries, for the sole purpose of padding their accounts. That’s all stuff from your broken heart. So now let’s ask a brain question. If he was all that bad, why are you allowing him to still have so much power over your life? Why do you still spend so much time and energy being angry? Today, decide that you are going to get some help getting rid of this emotional junk, and take your life back. It’s up to you.
For those of you longing to be parents, Father’s Day can really beat you up. Men and women both can be resentful of the families celebrating Papa. Why not us? When is it our turn? Know that our hearts go out to you. Aside from the medical support you may be getting, there is great strength to be found in groups of people who know your distinct pain. Find them. Talk, talk, talk. You will recover. You will feel joy again. Give it more time. But until then, talk!
Adoption gives a particular twist to Father’s Day. If I gave a baby up, am I a Dad? Yes. Celebrate. It’s okay that no one celebrates with you, or even acknowledges your parentage. Celebrate the opportunity you had to offer a better life to your child. Celebrate the strength it took to do that. Write your child a letter. Look to the future.
Adopted, and Father’s Day makes you wonder about Bio Dad? Write him a letter. Talk to your parents. Know that you did nothing “wrong”, causing Bio Dad to “give you away”. Read books by adoptees. Join a registry for people searching. Celebrate. Some people cared for you very much, and did what they could to make your life better.
Guys have a different relationship with their fathers than women do. Either they’re very close and hopelessly devoted, or they thoughtlessly grab yet another tie or bottle of cologne. Either way, they sometimes have trouble with this day. Ladies, help them out. Talk, talk, talk. Guys, try it, you’ll like it!
Look at the series of articles on Father/Mother’s Day on the Bereavement page of BellaOnline. It’s a major, major landmine of grief. Go easy on yourselves today, all of you.
A word here about death bed confessions and reconciliations. They mostly only happen in the movies. Stop waiting for the film crew. They’re not coming. If you’ve got something eating at you, gnawing questions, suck up and open the dialogue now. Do not sentence yourself to a lifetime of “What if”. Resolution brings inner peace and