A topic given wide publicity on shows like "Oprah" & "Rikki Lake" in 2004, the subject of "down low brothahs", men involved in heterosexual relationships have secret sexual affairs with other men, has hit a relationship nerve in the African-American community. Guest contributor, R. O'neil Edwards reviews the new book by Brenda Stone Browder, the ex-wife of best selling author J. L. King, who's book "On The Down Low" exposed this closeted issue.
I opened “On The Up And Up: A Survival Guide for Women Living with Men on the Down Low” (Feb. 2005), by Brenda Stone Browder expecting to find practical insight from a woman that knew something about the subject first hand. Instead, I read a brief testament of her personal faith. I have no problem with her testifying. I do have a problem with her basically doing nothing but testifying. Thankfully, the book was short enough to be a very quick read. Which brings me to the biggest flaw of this book; not enough is addressed. You would think that dealing with children would take up a significant portion of this book. The chapter dedicated to dealing with children is less than 15 pages long. The writing itself is mediocre and downright bad at times. She drops celebrity names when it is not even close to being relevant. Unless Amarosa is a downlow brotha in drag or is currently dating one, gratuitously, mentioning being in a class with her is wasted space in a short book that could be better used. Ms. Browder also brings up subjects then tells the reader se is not going to discuss them. Unexplainably, she wastes another chapter recounting her battle with Muscular Dystrophy. This condition came after her divorce and serves as nothing more than a reason to exclaim her faith. Again, nothing wrong with that, but it totally strayed from the topic. The book advertises on the cover that it includes a reading group guide. Someone needs to tell me where that “guide is” because all I saw was a reprint of one of her sermons and ONE page with a handful of questions. Although, the book may deserve a look just because it brings awareness to a problem that has lurked in shadows too long, it simply fails to deliver on what it should have been. Her advice can be summed up as little more than “trust your intuition” and “have faith in god”. She also devotes significant time to the “love the sinner” hate the sin philosophy that helps keep so many of these “downlow brothas” in the closet and fooling our women.
I wanted to give this book a glowing endorsement. I wanted to say that it was a very important book that was mandatory reading for all women, especially black women. I simply cannot do that. There are too many articles, television specials and even web blogs with more useful information. Even watching Oprah will give you more insight than this book. I am very happy for Ms. Browder on overcoming so many difficulties in life. I respect her strong faith in God and her husband. However, I am extremely disappointed with this effort. I would not go as far as to say she exploited her ex-husband’s successful book to launch a poor effort. I feel she has more integrity than that. I believe she sincerely wants to give women living or potentially living with secretly gay men an answer. Unfortunately, this book is not it.
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