Guest Author - Guest Editor

“There are no ugly women. There are only women who do not know how to look pretty.” - Antoine Berry [French politician]

Before and After photos are used to sell everything from sink cleansers to wrinkle cream, and nowhere are they more effective in selling us stuff than in the beauty industry. So wouldn’t it be fascinating to speak to one of them and find out if the product they used worked or not?

Wait no longer! Now, for the first time in history, I’ve been able to speak with a Before and After photo and find out the truth behind the diet ads we see so often.

I did this through the Transform-O-Matic Dynamic Process that we here at BellOnline use to power our websites. But please be warned BellaOnline Constant Reader, this is a very dangerous scientific process and you should never attempt it without the close supervision of a certified Transform-O-Matic Dynamic Process technician - which I just so happen to be.

The interview was conducted on my computer with Thelma D. of California:

Paula Grant-LeClaire: Wow, that was interesting! The smoke should clear out in a few minutes. Thanks for speaking with me today.

Before Photo Thelma: (coughing) No problem.

After Photo Thelma: How long is this going to take? I have to visit the ladies room again.

PGL: Sounds inconvenient.

After Photo Thelma: You have no idea lady.

PGL: I see. Well, tell me Before Thelma, what made you want to buy the Super Duper Power Thermo-Sweeper Colon Blaster Diet Drink Plus Tanner? You look healthy and pretty to me already.

Before Photo Thelma: I was feeling fat. And pale. My clothes were getting too tight.

After Photo Thelma: And the people in the ad looked fab!

PGL: Part of the power of using comparison photos is that they convey visual proof of seemingly instant success from using the advertised product. Did the ad pictures convince you that blasting your colon was the ticket?

Before Photo Thelma: Yes. Plus, how easy is drinking something to look that good?

PGL: Did it cause any health problems for you?

Before Photo Thelma (to After Photo Thelma): You could still lose more weight! I thought you’d be thinner after going through all of that.

PGL: Gee, she looks dehydrated as it is.

After Photo Thelma (to Before Photo Thelma): Oh I’m too fat? You’re the one with the huge mole on your -

Before Photo Thelma (standing up): Don’t you insult the mole! It gives us character like Cindy Crawford!

After Photo Thelma: Cindy Crawford doesn’t have a huge mole on her -

Before Photo Thelma: Well you’re so air-brushed you look like a fat blow-up doll!

PGL: Ladies please! Here, have a chocolate Easter egg.

Before Photo Thelma: Thanks.

After Photo Thelma: I can’t. I don’t want to have to drink another gallon of Colon Blaster Mix.

PGL: Unpleasant huh?

After Photo Thelma (shuddering): Messy.

PGL: Change of subject. So After Photo Thelma, did the colon blaster deliver the promises that were in the ad?

After Photo Thelma: Well, I do feel slightly lighter.

Before Photo Thelma: These are so good! More!

PGL: Sure. (hands four chocolate eggs over). Before Photo Thelma, do you often buy products you see advertised with comparison photos?

Before Photo Thelma: (mumbling)

After Photo Thelma: I can answer that. She does. There’s quite a few of us After Thelma Photos out there.

PGL: Such as?

After Photo Thelma: Let’s see. There’s the 4-Cups Bigger Chest Thelma. She used the Cup-O-Nator Machine last year.

PGL: Was it painful?

After Photo Thelma: Tingly. Then there’s the Gorgeous Strands Thelma. She used the “Oh My Mare Hair!” hair care system. Has horse urine in it, grows out your hair real fast.

PGL: But your hair is pixie-short.

After Photo Thelma: We had to cut it to get the pee smell out. Kept attracting flies. But our hair did get long.

Before Photo Thelma: More! (grabs bag of chocolate eggs).

PGL: So, thanks for talking with me. I’ve learned a lot about how powerful these photos can be. What’s next for you?

After Photo Thelma: I’m still too fat for her taste. She’s ordered a new diet. Supposed to work better than the colon blaster.

PGL: Another diet? I guess you’re not ever really happy with yourself are you?

Before Photo Thelma: It's the Skinny Puppy Doggie Biscuit Diet System. You eat organic doggie treats for a month and you get thin and perfect. You got any more of these anywhere?

PGL: In the kitchen. (Before Thelma Photo leaves). I hope it works out. The after photo for the dog biscuit ad must be perfection to convince you to buy it.

After Photo Thelma: We’re going to look like Carmen Electra when we’re done. That’s who was in the photos.

PGL: Good luck to you. She must have found the chocolate judging from the crashing noises. I’d better go help her. Thanks again!

Reporter’s After Note:

One month after this interview an After Photo Thelma spoke briefly about the results of the Skinny Puppy Doggie Biscuit Diet System. She’s very thin but she kept barking at me …