1. Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
- Jennifer Unlimited

2. Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Lang

3. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.
--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

4. I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey

5. As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.
--Cokie Roberts

6. I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs.
- Nancy Reagan, former First Lady

7.Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee.
--Stephanie Piro

8. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

9. I'm cute in gym shorts! I'm slim and trim, and you'd be impressed - I've good calves.
- Larry King

10. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore

11. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Joel, 14, Advice from Kids

12. If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
- Erma Bombeck

13. If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.
- Katherine Hepburn

14. Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?
- Jay Leno

15. USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. - David Letterman

17. A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the tightrope of life
--William Arthur Ward

18. May Your Life Be Like Arithmetic:
Joys Added -
Sorrows Subtracted -
Friends Multiplied -
Love Un-Divided
--Unknown ___________________________________________________________________________