Guest Author - Rose Thomason
You’re in Walmart, and you’re bored. Or you’re just in a defiant type of mood. Or maybe going through a rebellious phase. This happens, right? Well, here are some things you can do to help offset that boredom, or contribute to your rebellion. If you have a different store preference, then I’m sure most of these suggestions can be applied there too. Well, with the exception of #11.
1. Take your shoes off and try to return them at Customer Service. This works really well if your shoes are especially worn. And dirty. Maybe stomp through mud before entering the store.
2. Ride a bicycle through the store. Tell anyone that gives you a strange look that you’re taking it for a test drive. Bonus factor: if the bike has a horn, use it. That’s what it’s there for.
3. Tailgate. Follow people through the store, staying only a few feet behind them. Do this until they leave. Or threaten to file a restraining order.
4. Randomly throw items over into the next isle. Where did THAT come from?
5. Find two people walking closely together. Run between them and yell “Red Rover!”
6. Two Words: Marco Polo. Or make it your own: Ralph Lauren.
7. Indoor (shopping) cart races!
8. Indoor freeze tag. Include random customers. You don’t want anyone feeling left out.
9. Go to the toy isle: Dodge ball! Again, include random customers.
10. While in the toy isle, find Barbie. Sit in the middle of the isle and brush her hair. Tell her why she’s too good for Ken.
11. Announce loudly that you will sue for false advertising. They don’t sell Walls. File a complaint with Customer Service. Note: You should probably do this after you try to return your shoes.
12. Buy a pack of gum. Buy another pack of gum and return to the same cashier. Repeat several times. Pretend like you’re seeing that cashier for the first time. Ask them how they’re day is going.
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, cover your ears and yell, “It’s those voices again!”
14. Visit the outdoor section. Take a cartful of hunting knives to the register. Ask the cashier if they know where the antidepressants are.
15. As the cashier scans your items, say, “BEEP” in a loud voice. Do this for every item. Do this for other customers’ items too.
16. Ask random customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
17. Challenge customers to duel-with tubes of gift-wrap.
18. When someone is behind you, walk very slowly. When they try to pass you, speed up.
Do you have ideas you’d like to add to the list? Have you already tried some of these ideas (and did they work)? Go to the Jokes Forum and share!