Defensive behavior is a method many of us use to protect our self-esteem. Often, defensiveness is used to hide those parts of our personality or emotions we can’t or don’t want to expose to others. Think of defensiveness as a coping mechanism against emotional harm and pain.
Dictionary.com defines defensiveness this way: Excessively concerned with guarding against the real or imagined threat of criticism, injury to one's ego, or exposure of one's shortcomings.
Eventually defensive behaviors become a “knee jerk reaction.” You may be defensive about certain subjects, people or emotions and not even realize it. When defensiveness becomes a day-to-day way of life, it can then become emotionally destructive and disempowering
To deal with and understand built-in defense mechanisms, you must first become aware of them. Here are a few common signs of defensive behaviors:
~ Not talking about certain subjects;
~ Becoming defensive when challenged;
~ Negatively misinterpreting what others say;
~ Finding yourself easily irritated, especially by certain people or topics;
~ Feeling as if no one understands you;
~ Overly self-critical; and also
~ Finding it difficult to listen to the opinions of others.
Defensive behavior can manifest itself as sarcasm, withdrawing into silence, blaming or shaming, denial, anger, rigidly sticking to one way of thinking, not listening to others, and all or nothing thinking.
When you’re feeling as if you may be getting defensive, here are a few things you can do:
*Take a deep breath and look at the situation clearly and without emotion. Slowing down that “knee-jerk” reaction can allow you to think clearly.
*Don’t allow someone to push your “hot buttons.” Take a minute to gain control to think and react logically. See if the other person will sit down and talk with you unemotionally.
*Walk away to clear your head and allow the defensiveness to cool down. Give yourself time to form a cool and rational response.
*Try not to become negative or pessimistic about yourself. Negative self-talk will only make matters worse. Say to yourself something like, “I am good at handling situations like this is a positive and logical manner.”
Defensiveness does not serve you in positive ways. Often, defensive behavior will hurt you emotionally and physically more than it is having an impact on the other person/people.
Remember, you can change those things in your life that are not working effectively. Decide what you’d like to improve and begin to take action one logical step at a time.
**If you believe you may have an emotional or physical condition, you should consult a health care professional for diagnosis, help and treatment. This article is not intended to give medical or emotional advice. It is for entertainment purposes only.**
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