Guest Author - Victoria Abreo
I had promised a friend I would go with her to her doctor’s appointment. Knowing I could be there awhile I grabbed a book my daughter had bought me, “Letters From A Nut” by Ted L. Nancy, introduction by Jerry Seinfeld
When we got to her appointment there was about 30 people in the waiting room. The waiting room was quiet; no one was talking you could here a pin drop (a little eerie). But I thought "This is great I can read my book with no interruptions".
The introduction “Letters From A Nut” is by Jerry Seinfeld, on how he came upon the letters at a friend’s house. There is speculation that since Jerry Seinfeld introduces the book, that he is really Ted L. Nancy, - the author of absurd gag letters written to big companies and the their responses to Ted Nancy’s letters.
By the time I got to the fourth letter, tears were running down my face. I was trying really hard not to laugh out loud, which only made me look like a nut. Have you ever got the giggles but for some reason it just wasn’t appropriate to laugh out loud so you try to hold it in. It looks like your going into convulsion.
The gentlemen sitting to the right side of me leaned as far as he could away from me, clearly indicating that he though I was unstable. The lady to my left side did the same thing. I looked around the room and people were staring at me. But as I mention when you get the giggles it is really hard just to stop. I put the book on my lap and tried to regain my composer, it didn’t work.
I picked up the book again and asked the gentlemen who was leaning away from me if he had read this book; he gave me the look of OH, GREAT SHE’S TALKING TO ME! He shook his head no; I said it’s really funny! I did the same to the lady on my left side, she at least humored me and said no what’s it about?
I said, let me read you one of the letters from this crazy man. (You’ll have to buy the book to read what the response is from the company).
“Letters From A Nut”
Dear Reservations Desk:
I would like to check in to your resort but I have an affliction I need to address to you. I am considered a level 4 bed wetter. Although in six months I will be reclassified a level 3. I am also a heavy sleeper. I take MANY naps during the day. What can I expect in the way of assistance in this area?
I am sorry I have this. Believe me, it’s been a real problem for me. I try to deal with it the best way I know how. I am an adult (56 years old) and this is an embarrassing situation. I like to let the hotel know so that I don’t damage anything. (plants, dresser, ect,)
I chose your resort because of the service I know you give guests that wet their bed AND because of the city you’re in: Carefree. (is this the same as the gum)? I thought you would be receptive to my problem. I want to come for 6 days.
Can you provide me with a wetting sheet, or should I bring my bed wetting kit? This is MY rubber sheet, twist ties, mattress pads, disinfectant.
Thank you, Boulder Resort for getting back to me on this. I appreciate any concern you can give me in this area. Let me know as soon as you can, as I have to secure my reservations. Also…do you have smoking rooms?
Ted L. Nancy
In another letter he writes to Nordstrom department store and tells them that a particular mannequin in one of their stores looks exactly like his deceased neighbor. He asks if he can buy the mannequin to give to his neighbor's family as a sentimental gesture.
He also writes to Emerson College saying that he heard they want him as a speaker on a particular date. He explains his speech is about how he’s been hit by lightning 6 times and as a result for two days thought his name was Mark. He talks about all of the problems it has caused him like night sweats, a rash and his inability to be around coffee makers. He asks them to confirm his speech time on that date.
It’s really fun to see how some of these companies struggle with how to reply in a professional manner to Ted L. Nancy, wacky letters.
By the time I was done reading the letters above and the corresponded, the whole room was laughing. The man next to me was laughing the hardest and he kept saying, “That’s a good one!”
If you want a funny, quirky book that will make you laugh, then I and about thirty other people recommend this book. I also feel this book would be a great gift for a loved one in the hospital.