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BellaOnline's Married No Kids Editor


Being Child Free IS a Big Deal

Guest Author - Previous BellaOnline Editor

We’ve heard it all before.

“So you don’t want to have kids? Don’t have them then!”

“Just shut up about it!”

“I don’t see why you need ‘support’ for this choice.”

“What’s the big deal?”

The people who question the need for solidarity among the child free don’t understand what we go through on a daily basis. We are bombarded with messages from all fronts – family, friends, co-workers, the media, pop culture, society – that our choice is “wrong” or “strange” or “selfish.”

No one who wants or has children can imagine what it is like to always be on the outside looking in. We are not part of your “club,” and some love to make it very obvious that we don’t belong.

We are excluded from baby-dominated conversations. We are harassed by people we barely know and those close to us about getting pregnant. We are told that we are selfish, horrible people for denying parents grandchildren.

It may seem like no big deal to someone who has kids, but let me tell you, constant criticism can eventually wear you down. What if someone were to come into your house, for example, and say, “So, when are you going to upgrade to something bigger/nicer/prettier?” Or what if they said, “When are you going get out of that dead end job?” Even if you love your career and are happy and successful?

That’s what it feels like to be child free. People always butting into your life, dispensing unwanted advice, criticizing you for how you have chosen to live.

I hear stories every week from people just like me, who have felt alone and isolated because they thought they were the only ones in the world who didn’t feel that “urge” to become a parent. They are surrounded by baby showers and new moms. They are thrilled to discover there are people out there who also don’t want children.

I can’t speak for all of us, but I can speak for most of the people you will encounter in the MNK Forum. We don’t want people not to have kids. We don’t want to “convert” anyone or change anyone’s mind. We aren't going to picket at the local soccer field or march on Washington.

Often parents interpret our desire NOT to have kids as an indictment against them for HAVING kids.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

My sister badly wanted to have a baby, and I am happy that she has fulfilled that dream. I love my nephew and enjoy visiting him. I just don’t want one of my own.

My choice not to have kids is between my husband and me. No one else. I took over this website five years ago so that I could let other people like me know that they aren’t alone, that there are others who don’t want kids, and that we are all allowed to choose this life. You can have purpose and meaning to your life and still not want kids.

If you are new to Married No Kids, welcome! If you have been here awhile, thank you for supporting this website and all that it means to me.

Every time I hear from someone who has just crawled out of the darkness and realized they are not alone, it reinforces why I do this.
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You Are Not Alone in the Child Free Choice
Why Kids Aren't For Me
How I Decided I Didn't Want Kids
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