Guest Author - Chinedum Ify Obikili
It is not news that personality conflict is a common reason for children indulging in harmful behaviors these days. Children indulge in some of these harmful behavior first because of the need to fit into a particular identity. Then, they gradually get hooked on these behaviors because they think is a quick answer to their problems. Eventually, they become obsessed on these behaviors. Ultimately, it becomes a problem pulling them out of this obsession because it has become an addiction. This is also very common with school children of all grades. Taking a closer look at our college daughters and sons, you will find there is an endless quest for what is perfect and in vogue. They want to be among the prettiest girls or the cutest boys in school. While there is nothing wrong with being the prettiest or the most dashing student around, when this quest becomes an obsession and begins to affect their grades, then there is a problem. The problem is usually traced back to what our youngsters have defined pretty and cute to be, and the rigorous process to become it. If your child is going through any personality issue or you want to address it before it happens, here are ideas on what to do.
1. Put yourself in his/her shoes: You need to understand that your kid is also a victim of this fast moving world. He is caught up with the urgency to meet up with the trend of things especially things around his age. There is a need to be part of everything happening around him. It becomes a problem deciding what is wrong or right. Its even worse if it is something everyone his age is doing.
2. Be their voice of reasoning: In a situation like what I just described above, become his/her voice of reasoning. It is important to note the word reasoning here, as you do not want to come across as trying to make his decisions for him. If you are dealing with teenagers, approach them from an angle where they donít see you coming. Acknowledge their opinions, make them think your advice is wrapped around their opinions, and subtly offer suggestions you know is best for them. The chances are that they'll accept your suggestions eagerly , partly because they felt it came from them and mostly because it hadn't come across as an order or disapproval.
3. Compliment them non-stop: Believe it or not, even the most rebellious and problematic teenager secretly craves the approval of his parents. We must get into the habit of telling our daughters how beautiful they are, our sons how cute and precious they are. Telling your child how much he/she is worth and how irreplaceable he/she is builds their confidence faster than any book ever would.