Guest Author - Kathy Strom

We are currently in what has become the busiest time of year for many people. It is a time when we want to meet everyone’s expectations and we want to make this the best Christmas ever.

We are also in one of the most depressed times many of us have ever experienced. People are losing jobs, losing benefits, and even losing their homes. For people with disabilities and their families this is an era of seeing services drop, of seeing more burden put on us for paying for medical care, medications, and supplies. The “no new taxes” era has caused some individuals and families to see less discretionable income for up to the last seven years. We have seen changes in social services, increases in out-of-pocket costs for services covered by Medicare and Medicaid programs, and decreases in what is considered deductible expenses for affordable housing and services.

With all of the aforementioned issues, it is no wonder that many of us are feeling pressured about the expenses and time commitments of the season. I would like to present some possibilities for dealing with the season in some special and affordable ways. In no way do I want to say that this is the only way. This is something that worked for our family.

First, it may be time to change expectations for the season. One idea that I especially like is setting aside at least a few minutes every day to slow things down and come together as a family. One way of doing this for Christians may be to have a family time for every day of Advent. Our family got a birch log that was about 5 feet long. (We do not encourage cutting a tree for the log. We found a fallen tree.) We then made a cradle for each end of the log so that it wouldn’t roll. Holes were drilled in a line across the top for every day of Advent. The holes were made to fit a taper candle. The candles for ours were white for most days, pink for Sundays and one purple one for Christmas Eve. The number of holes needed will change, so you need to put the candles in from the middle to the ends.

Each night of Advent, we would have a time of family sharing. Some nights it would be as short as 15 minutes if schedules were tight. On other nights we might take much more time. On the first night of Advent, we would light one candle at one end of the log. The second night we would light the candle at the other end of the log and the first one. Each night we lit one more candle, alternating which end had the new candle lit. On Christmas Eve, we would be up to the purple candle, the middle one. It was always a special night because the candles came to a point at the middle. And, everyone got a chance to help with lighting the candles, even if it meant hand-over-hand help for some.

And what did we do during that time? Some nights we read from the Bible. Other nights we might read a favorite Christmas story. How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Gift of the Magi, and The Letter to Virginia along with many other stories were all a part of our Advent. Some nights we talked about the pressures of the season and what was really important. Every night we took time to check on how everyone was feeling. And, we talked about expectations for the season. We did not want our children falling for the advertisements that were all around them. Christmas was not the time to purchase expensive gifts. It is not the time to go to McDonalds often because our schedules were tight.

The candle lighting helped us with many things. While we always had a Christmas tree, the candles were the focus of our decorating. The first year we purchased artificial garland for the log—something a bit plastic-like that did not burn easily but was pretty. And, we put a tiny manger scene in front of the log. The manger scene was a set of miniature plastic figures that we had purchased for our son when he was pre-school age. A friend built a little stable complete with a shelf for the angel. My son’s family still uses it. Because the pieces were plastic, the kids could move them around. Each year we added more items to the area around the log—primarily with gifts from family and friends.

The time we spent also helped us to think of what really needed to be done and how much was just unrealistic expectations. Yes, Christmas cookies are great. However, if time or resources were a bit tight, a couple of kinds were quite adequate. And, they did not need to be decorated cookies. Our children learned that it is important for everyone to participate in what we were doing no matter what their abilities were. To this day, I still see my adult children trying to be inclusive.

To this day, our children remember the time we spent together during Advent. I like to think we all learned that the season is to be enjoyed and celebrated and that the traditional and advertised trappings are not the most important things. I also like to think that we all learned to pace ourselves a bit in order to enjoy what we have. Finally, I like to think we learned that relationships do not depend on big presents and big parties, but on time spent together in the simplest of settings.