Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson
Our emotions can sometimes over take our better judgment when they are really intense, however, being that we are creatures with the gift of reason and intellect it is possible to control our emotions, not allowing them to take us over. This is why not every spouse who has been cheated on commits murder. It is not that they did not want to commit murder at that moment, but they allowed reason to control them and their emotions.
The worst feeling in the world is not knowing what to do. Leave him or stay. Like the song goes, “Should I stay or should I go?” It can be maddening.
But what if your choices weren't so black and white. There is no rush to come up with a choice today.
You don't always have to deal with everything right away. You can choose to ignore his inconsiderate nature, or the fact he won't help with the kids, or that he is a smelly slob, even that he refuses to get a job, while you choose to work on your own issues while letting everything else slide.
To control your emotions focus on what you are aiming for rather than what is going wrong today. If you desire a more peaceful life with your spouse, you can chose to focus instead on being peaceful in spite of his actions, changing your reaction to his actions will go a long way toward bringing you closer to that peaceful existence you desire. This is just until you make your final choice, to stay, or go. If you're not even sure you want to stay, there is no point in fighting for his cooperation or enthusiasm. Let it go until you make a choice. If you are leaning towards leaving, you need to assess your situation, financially and otherwise, take the time to do it, while acting in a peaceful manner. No point in fighting over something that may be moot in a few months.
Feelings and emotions inform your choices so you must pay attention to them. Right now you are probably experiencing anticipatory emotions such as fear, anxiety, even dread. This is very common when you are facing an uncertain future. One way to combat these types of feelings is to map out what the probable outcome is of each of your possible choices.
On your paper divide it into two columns. On the left, write down anything that comes to mind, even if it is not totally realistic, that may happen if you choose to divorce. If it is a fear of yours then at least in terms of dealing with your emotions, it is real. Beside each possible outcome write down the emotion it evokes.
Now do the same thing, but on the right side write down anything that comes to mind even if it is not totally realistic that may happen if you stay. Again, beside each possible outcome write down the emotions it evokes.
After you have done this, go back through your list and write down whether realistically the outcome is even probable or not probable – do this for both lists.
After you complete this evaluation you should be closer to a decision, to stay or go.
Whatever you do, don't put off change. Whether the change is only within yourself and your reactions to your spouse, or whether the change is to leave. Doing nothing is realistically not an option because nothing will get better by doing this.
