Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

Since you entered into the world of divorce have you found yourself being excessively moody, easily brought to tears, distracted? Not yourself? Are you stuck in the past, unable to find your footing in this new world? Are there any problems in your life that you don't blame on your ex? If you answered yes to some or most of these questions (and no to the last one) then it is likely that you need an attitude adjustment.

It happens to a lot of people so one of the first things to keep in mind is that you are not alone. After you have come to the realization that you have an attitude problem the next step is to figure out what to do to change yourself. That's right, change yourself. You are the only one who can. Think about it, no one can control you but you. If you really want to do something, no matter what else is going on in your life, you will do it. You know that is true.

So, how do you adjust your attitude? Here are a few tips to help you move toward attitude adjustment.


1. Be mindful of your bodily signals to stress.

Some of the signs of stress are, being forgetful, butterflies in your stomach, shaking, hot flushed skin, and muscular tension. Try slow deep breathing, in through your nose, and out your mouth. Concentrate on doing this, close your eyes if you need to. You can also try mental visualization. Visualize yourself in your calm place. If you don't have a calm place, create one. The beach, the mountains, whatever it is for you. Picture yourself in your minds' eye, relaxed, calm, carefree. If possible, go for a brisk walk. This will help you burn off extra tension.

2. Practice positive self-talk to assist in getting rid of negative thoughts

I know, it seems like one of those crazy self help gurus that tells you to tell yourself, while looking in the mirror, in the morning that you're beautiful, attractive, worthy and "by golly I like me", ala Stuart Smalley, the thing is; it works. Tell yourself to calm down, tell yourself that you're deserving of a good life, tell yourself "he, she, they" are not worth it. Tell yourself that having any reaction to this outside stimuli is not worth the effort. Better to relax, think positive and let it go. Rehashing the past, going over and over someone else's faults, transgressions, and actions will not get you where you want go.

3. Consider the consequences

What are the consequences you will suffer if you continue in your current mindset? While it may initially feel good to act out against someone, or tell them off or otherwise let off steam. It is ultimately without reward. Crying at work and being distracted by your personal life, can have dire consequences to your professional life. Talking to your friends ad nauseam about your ex and his faults will lose you friends. It is not true that misery loves company. Well maybe misery does love company, but misery is not going to keep company because happiness does not like misery. Do not allow what is happening with your divorce to affect every aspect of your life. Seeking revenge on your ex, worrying about what your ex is doing, or letting your exes actions make you crazy will not lead to the results you want or need.



4. You can only control yourself

Remember that when it comes right down to it, your behavior is the only thing within your grasp of control. Don't let loose of the one aspect that you can control of your entire life. Yourself. It may seem like everything happening to you is your exes fault. But I can promise you, it's not. Even if something is his fault, how you act now is your fault and ultimately, your responsibility. Do not let one aspect of your hopefully long life, affect the rest of your life.


5. Fake it till you make it

If all else fails, take my grandmother's advice. "Fake it till you make it" because it does work. Take a deep breath and adjust your attitude because it is your attitude that drives everything that you do.


6. Visualize your future

In order to get to where you want to go, you must visualize your future. If you can do that, and keep that goal in mind, you will go be successful and not just survive your divorce, but thrive in your life after divorce.