Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

After years of building your life around your ex it might be hard to change your patterns after your divorce. You may find yourself feeling better, moving on, dating, but in the process you are comparing all your dates to your ex, or you talk endlessly to your dates about your ex. If you tend to also call your ex, and ask favors of your ex, you might not be as over him as you may think.

One thing to realize is that your behavior is normal. You spent a lot of your life with that other person they don't just disappear and your past doesn't change just because you got a divorce. You don't just stop wanting to call the one person you've been counting on all your adult life. It doesn't just all go away, especially if you weren't the one who initiated the divorce.

Take all the time you need to get through your divorce. There is no cut and dried time frame. Many suggest at least a year, but my suggestion is to be very honest with yourself and using that honesty decide for yourself. Just know that you need time to heal and part of healing is talking about your ex, reliving your past together, feeling sad and happy about the past. Learning to separate yourself from your ex by doing things for yourself. And then finally come to an acceptance of how things are today.

Specialized counseling or coaching can help you tremendously in over-coming these issues. There are counselors who specialize in moving on after divorce and they will allow you to talk to them about your ex, and about your dates, and how all this makes you feel. They will help you overcome any sticking points so that you can make a wise choice about a future mate.

A life coach will often act as a magic mirror into the nature of your actions, cutting through the bull and telling you the truth about yourself. Life Coaching is not for the faint of heart or for people with true mental illness. But if you're ready for a kick in the pants to get you going that type of help might be for you.

Life Coaching focuses on what you can do to make you better and counseling focuses on why you have the reactions you have. Not saying that one is better than the other, it truly depends on your needs and personality but I highly recommend giving either one a try if you're having trouble being peaceful about your situation.