Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson


Divorce can be a tremendous catalyst toward personal growth. If you are willing to address the truth behind your divorce you can come out of divorce stronger, smarter, and successful.

In 1999 when I found out that I was divorcing for the second time I was completely devastated. I really did believe my life was over. I had a very friendly divorce with my ex husband. I did not have a friendly divorce because I liked my ex husband. I had a friendly divorce because I loved my girls and I wanted to move on in a hurry, and get it done with the least amount of trauma, drama, and expense.

I believe that my ability to see past my anger and hurt and work toward a friendly settled divorce was instrumental in allowing me to move past my divorce in a healthy manner. I let go of control pretty quickly and accepted what had happened to me. At least it seemed that way on the surface.

I still had a lot to work through. Even though my husband cheated on me and ultimately left me for another woman, the divorce was not all his fault. Sure, his actions where his doing, but there is always more to the story. When my husband and I got married I was not over my previous divorce, nor had I faced any consequences of my own actions or accepted any responsibility or done one ounce of growing or changing after that divorce. I simply got a divorce, and jumped right back on the wagon, or back into the frying pan, depending upon how you look at it.

Any sane person can look at what I did and realize I was headed for another divorce. I knew him all of three weeks before we got married. I was living in some sort of crazy fantasy world making choices based on confused feelings, anxiety, and loneliness. At the time I met him I was very unsuccessfully raising my daughter alone. I was being evicted from my apartment, and I latched on to the first man who showed any sign of interest and had a rescue mentality.
I did not do it consciously, but when I look back I can see that I am just as responsible for the failure of my marriage as is he.

No I did not cheat on him, and no I did not want the divorce at the time we got it. But I did not love my husband the way a wife is supposed to love her husband. I barely tolerated him. I was not always nice to him. I did not want the divorce for only one reason, and that reason was Money. I knew that life as a single mom of three would be much more difficult than the life I was living when I met him, which was as a single mom of one. Plus I wasn't young anymore. I knew the chances of my meeting another person and falling in love were slim to none. I did not want to do it all alone. Therefore I hung on for dear life to a sinking ship for years, long before he resorted to cheating.

Now, I see my husband's act of leaving me for another woman as a gift. He gave me the gift of freedom. I was so hurt and angry that I was unable to trust men for quite some time. This enabled me not to jump too soon into another relationship. I was so worried about money that I did not fight anything about the divorce, I just agreed out of court and lucky for me my husband was, while a cheater, a fair and reasonable man who took the responsibility of his children seriously. This generosity of his behalf allowed me to return to school and finish college.

During the five years it took me to finish college, I did not date, and I did not even think about men. Instead I worked on myself completely. I still remember that a time came where I was not lonely any longer. I had a full, complete, wonderful life without a husband. I had come out of my divorce a smarter, stronger, more successful woman. I became that way because I worked on myself. I accepted my own failures and turned them into possibilities.

Once I was completely healed I met the man I am now married to. I met him in October of 2005 at Church. We did not start dating until January 1st, 2006. We got married May 23, 2008. We took our time, and got to know each other. We're both older and wiser, but no less in love than if we were 20 years old. Due to the work we both did on ourselves prior to meeting, we are able to have a more loving and committed permanent relationship. This is what I want all of you to have.

Take the time to work on yourself. Keep your mind and heart open, don't worry about blame, don't worry about revenge, heal yourself and there are wonderful things waiting for you if only you believe it.