Secondary infertility is just as common as primary infertility, but it is much less obvious. Once a couple has had one or more babies, they may still have difficulty having more. When you yearn for a baby, it hurts.

Whether the "missing" baby is your first or a second or even third or more, it is still painful when you desire a baby and you are not able to conceive. The problem is, once you have a baby those who do not understand infertility assume that the pain goes away. Wanting a baby you can't have always hurts. No matter how many children you have, when that choice is taken from you, the pain is still there.

My daughter was born almost a year ago, and after many months of trying to conceive a second child, I realized that this second baby is not going to come as easily as I had hoped. When we were surprised by our little miracle baby's conception, I dreamed that my fertility problems were over. Almost as soon as I had recovered from child birth, we were trying for baby number two. I was hopeful that by starting again so soon, we'd catch the positive hormones from the pregnancy and I would get pregnant easily.

Now, as my daughter's first birthday is just weeks away and my own 38th birthday looms, I am back on the infertility rollercoaster. I hate rollercoasters. Especially those with no clear end in sight.

Due to my age and history, we decided to start off with more aggressive tactics in addition to the natural ones that brought us Eva. So, with some polite persistance, I managed to get an appointment with my doctor within a couple of weeks instead of several months as we were first told. I just started a round of Clomid and I am planning what natural treatments I am going to add to the medical ones (never, ever mix herbs and fertility drugs!).

The good news with secondary infertility is that at least you start knowing that a baby is possible - that is very comforting after so many years of wondering if I would ever have a baby at all. But the worries are just as strong. Will my daughter be my only child by birth? Since we are not likely to qualify for adoption due to our financial situation, the threat that we may never have another child is very real.

Already I am sick of hearing, "You should be grateful you have one." I am grateful - every single day I wake up next to my daughter and thank God I have this amazing little girl. That simply does not erase the pain of wondering if the fleeting months of her first year are the "baby" I get.

If you are facing secondary infertility, understand that your feelings are just as real and natural as they are for anyone facing infertility. You have a right to want a baby. You have the right to mourn being able to have a baby as easily as others do. You have a right to feel the ache of empty arms - and to do all you can to reach your goal of having another baby.