Guest Author - Marge - Knitting Editor
For many people cancer is no longer a death sentence thankfully, but some people live with cancer chronically. Fortunately, there are ways of helping and being with those people that works for all involved. In other articles on this site, there are suggestions about learning to listen to the person with cancer. Making sure that they are heard and that their needs are met, and this may get harder when the cancer patient is going through chemo for the 20th or 50th time, but it is still necessary, very necessary. I doubt anyone gets used to living with cancer so the need to be heard is always present, but the need to be treated normally is also necessary. It is a balancing act and you have to trust that the cancer survivor will help when they can and will ask for help when they need it.
I have never had cancer, but I know people who have survived and those who have it chronically. I’ve never met anyone who is reacting badly, but when first in the position of visitor it was awkward for me. I didn’t want to act as if the person was fine, when they were not fine, but I did not want to bring it up unless they brought it up. That was fine for me, but I’m not sure it was good for my friends with cancer. I finally started asking them, not just generically, “How are you feeling”? But I started asking, “Do you want to talk about your cancer or treatment or struggle”? Or would you rather talk about something else? I’m here to talk to you and with you about whatever you want to talk about. I can just sit here and be quiet with you, I can talk about unrelated things and give you a break, I can listen and ask questions, or I can just hear about your journey. I can clean for you, I can bring food or drinks, or I can run errands, or even bring a movie to watch together or for you to watch alone. What do you need? Then I take their answer and go with it.
Compassion is always good, and good intentions are not always as good. Just asking what the cancer patient needs is the shortest and probably best way to find out what they need. Do not try to guess; listen to what they say they need and do that.
