Creative Dating Ideas with a Disability
Planning an extra-special date is always a challenge, but when one or both individuals in the relationship is experiencing a disability, accessibility can be an interesting, seemingly insurmountable barrier to romance. As a married woman, I can tell you firsthand that a little creative thinking can keep you in the dating game.
How about a little “planned spontaneity”? Yes there is such a thing. Think about all the restaurants you and your date would like to go to, how easy they are to get to and how accessible they are. Ask other friends with disabilities as well. That way, you can create a romantic evening on the spur of the moment using your list of go-to spots. Reservations are also a big plus. Making a reservation means you can let the restaurant know your preference of a table vs. a booth, better navigate through a crowd and better plan if you are going on a date with a small group of other couples.
The restaurant will appreciate knowing that a few chairs may need to be removed to accommodate a wheelchair or scooter, that your date would prefer to sit away from a fan or air vent because he or she gets chilly. And it’s your right to bring your service animal along, so letting the restaurant know (you don’t have to do this) is also helpful to make sure there’s comfortable leg room under the table.
Use your city’s visitor guides and chamber of commerce websites, packed with reviews to seek out those out of the way locations for a date. This helps not only keep you thinking creatively, but also helps beat the crowds and find deals and coupons to help you save money. Economizing does not mean you bargain with a great time.
Do you have joint, back or chronic inflammatory problems? What about your date? Locate a certified massage therapist to come to you for a couples massage. There are definitely massage therapists that can come to you if you find it difficult to get to the spa or to get transferred onto sometimes high tables from a wheelchair or with crutches. It’s also great to talk to the massage therapist to talk about what your problem areas are, whether you experience locked joints, pain or some degree of spasticity, particularly from such conditions as cerebral palsy. And don’t underestimate the professionalism of a student completing certification. You can find some very savvy, qualified massage therapists who are in the process of completing training who can provide you top-notch relaxation at a reduced rate. Relaxing time with your significant other does not have to cost a fortune.
Is there something you always wanted to learn? A new skill or hobby out there you’ve been dying to try? It would be wonderful if you and your date could take a language or cooking class together. Locate an activity through a site such as Meetup.com and plug in your zip code to find a group as passionate about a hobby or new skill as you and your date are. It’s not only a good way for you and your loved one to share in a new activity, but another great way to meet other people to round out your social circle! My husband and I took dance lessons prior to our wedding. Not only was it easier to learn not to roll over his toes in rented shoes, but we met others who had family members with disabilities at the dance studio who hadn’t even thought of the activity as something their loved one could participate in. What an eye-opener for everyone involved and great conversation starter.
Love the outdoors? Want to give back in your community by volunteering? The two of you can learn a lot about each other enjoying wheelchair and sensory-friendly activities at a local park. Talk to your local parks and recreation department about integrated as well as therapeutic recreation (disability-friendly) activities they offer. And volunteering at a soup kitchen or clothing drive together can give you the opportunity to discuss your social and political views. Social and political views aren’t always a contentious topic. Take that from someone who married an individual who doesn’t share the same views as I have on every political issue. Viva la difference!
What about keeping the memories of a recent date you enjoyed? Scrapbooking is not just for young girls and elderly ladies anymore. Quite the contrary! Take lots of photos of your dating adventures and put them together in a keepsake scrapbook that the two of you will cherish for years to come, whether your relationship deepens or you remain the dearest of friends down the road.
Speaking of that cooking class before, why not spend an evening in, at your place or theirs? Get all dressed up “just because” and cook a dish you both love…together! A discount party supply store has all the great mood elevators of candles and pretty, disposable party wear to make the evening great. Attend a great concert recently? Why not play that CD and set the evening to music?
Ladies, don’t you just love that scene from “Ghost” when Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore make great art together? Yeah, that’s what it was…art. OK, but why not paint together? Spend an afternoon writing and journaling about when the two of you first met and then share with each other. And then place the writing in that scrapbook.
For you sports fans, don your favorite pro or college colors, wag that “We’re #1” foam finger high and support your team. My husband and I don’t necessarily share the same team interests, so we make friendly bets that whoever’s team wins, that person gets to pick the next restaurant or choose the next movie we go see---a matinee, of course.
If you have a personal care attendant, establish the ground rules with that person when you have a date. They don’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable, nor do they want to get in the way of you having fun. You are in control. They are your employee. Mark the boundaries. A friend of mine needed help getting dressed for her evening with her boyfriend and then for the attendant to go for the night. He was bringing dinner. A little pre-date conversation made it clear what the attendant’s role was and how best to facilitate a good evening for my friend and her date. No harm, no foul!
The key in all of this is communication and creative thinking. A disability doesn’t mean you can’t date, nor does it mean your dates can’t be fun and memorable. The sky’s the limit!
How about a little “planned spontaneity”? Yes there is such a thing. Think about all the restaurants you and your date would like to go to, how easy they are to get to and how accessible they are. Ask other friends with disabilities as well. That way, you can create a romantic evening on the spur of the moment using your list of go-to spots. Reservations are also a big plus. Making a reservation means you can let the restaurant know your preference of a table vs. a booth, better navigate through a crowd and better plan if you are going on a date with a small group of other couples.
The restaurant will appreciate knowing that a few chairs may need to be removed to accommodate a wheelchair or scooter, that your date would prefer to sit away from a fan or air vent because he or she gets chilly. And it’s your right to bring your service animal along, so letting the restaurant know (you don’t have to do this) is also helpful to make sure there’s comfortable leg room under the table.
Use your city’s visitor guides and chamber of commerce websites, packed with reviews to seek out those out of the way locations for a date. This helps not only keep you thinking creatively, but also helps beat the crowds and find deals and coupons to help you save money. Economizing does not mean you bargain with a great time.
Do you have joint, back or chronic inflammatory problems? What about your date? Locate a certified massage therapist to come to you for a couples massage. There are definitely massage therapists that can come to you if you find it difficult to get to the spa or to get transferred onto sometimes high tables from a wheelchair or with crutches. It’s also great to talk to the massage therapist to talk about what your problem areas are, whether you experience locked joints, pain or some degree of spasticity, particularly from such conditions as cerebral palsy. And don’t underestimate the professionalism of a student completing certification. You can find some very savvy, qualified massage therapists who are in the process of completing training who can provide you top-notch relaxation at a reduced rate. Relaxing time with your significant other does not have to cost a fortune.
Is there something you always wanted to learn? A new skill or hobby out there you’ve been dying to try? It would be wonderful if you and your date could take a language or cooking class together. Locate an activity through a site such as Meetup.com and plug in your zip code to find a group as passionate about a hobby or new skill as you and your date are. It’s not only a good way for you and your loved one to share in a new activity, but another great way to meet other people to round out your social circle! My husband and I took dance lessons prior to our wedding. Not only was it easier to learn not to roll over his toes in rented shoes, but we met others who had family members with disabilities at the dance studio who hadn’t even thought of the activity as something their loved one could participate in. What an eye-opener for everyone involved and great conversation starter.
Love the outdoors? Want to give back in your community by volunteering? The two of you can learn a lot about each other enjoying wheelchair and sensory-friendly activities at a local park. Talk to your local parks and recreation department about integrated as well as therapeutic recreation (disability-friendly) activities they offer. And volunteering at a soup kitchen or clothing drive together can give you the opportunity to discuss your social and political views. Social and political views aren’t always a contentious topic. Take that from someone who married an individual who doesn’t share the same views as I have on every political issue. Viva la difference!
What about keeping the memories of a recent date you enjoyed? Scrapbooking is not just for young girls and elderly ladies anymore. Quite the contrary! Take lots of photos of your dating adventures and put them together in a keepsake scrapbook that the two of you will cherish for years to come, whether your relationship deepens or you remain the dearest of friends down the road.
Speaking of that cooking class before, why not spend an evening in, at your place or theirs? Get all dressed up “just because” and cook a dish you both love…together! A discount party supply store has all the great mood elevators of candles and pretty, disposable party wear to make the evening great. Attend a great concert recently? Why not play that CD and set the evening to music?
Ladies, don’t you just love that scene from “Ghost” when Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore make great art together? Yeah, that’s what it was…art. OK, but why not paint together? Spend an afternoon writing and journaling about when the two of you first met and then share with each other. And then place the writing in that scrapbook.
For you sports fans, don your favorite pro or college colors, wag that “We’re #1” foam finger high and support your team. My husband and I don’t necessarily share the same team interests, so we make friendly bets that whoever’s team wins, that person gets to pick the next restaurant or choose the next movie we go see---a matinee, of course.
If you have a personal care attendant, establish the ground rules with that person when you have a date. They don’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable, nor do they want to get in the way of you having fun. You are in control. They are your employee. Mark the boundaries. A friend of mine needed help getting dressed for her evening with her boyfriend and then for the attendant to go for the night. He was bringing dinner. A little pre-date conversation made it clear what the attendant’s role was and how best to facilitate a good evening for my friend and her date. No harm, no foul!
The key in all of this is communication and creative thinking. A disability doesn’t mean you can’t date, nor does it mean your dates can’t be fun and memorable. The sky’s the limit!
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