Guest Author - Tracy Hamilton
This is a question I get asked a lot, and there is no cut and dried answer.
For some people sex can be a way of gaining acceptance, and a sense of being ‘wanted’. For others it is a deeper connection that is shared consciously, and through love.
Neither is right or wrong. Many woman have experienced some kind of sexual trauma throughout their life, and can use sex in dysfunctional ways. While men are driven to procreate, and mostly their goal is release; they are not taught about a woman and what she needs. They are taught to protect themselves, and how to get what they need.
Generally women need to feel a connection with a man for sex to be meaningful in anyway, however men can have sex without any connection. They can seem interested, although how do you know if it’s just because they want sex or if they want to know you better?
When you are looking to achieve a deeper intimacy with someone, you need to feel close to, and safe with your partner. When you are able to share what you like and dislike with them, you can create more closeness. A man doesn’t always know how to really pleasure a woman in any meaningful way, he just knows how to get his needs met. So sleeping with someone too quickly is unlikely to be a fulfilling experience for you; unless it is just sex that you are looking for.
Everyone has different agenda’s and needs, and will have our minds trained to that end. If you are out to have fun, then sleeping with a guy you just met may be appealing. If you’re looking for a long lasting relationship, then it is probably best to find out who he is, what he’s about, and whether or not you want to share yourself with him in an intimate way.
Remember, you are not obligated to sleep with someone you just met. Telling them you are not ready to sleep with them yet, and that you would prefer to get to know them first shows that you are serious about being in a relationship, and not just looking for a one-night stand. Guys can be persistent, so stay strong and be true to yourself.
If you decide not to sleep with him on the first or second date, stay strong with your boundaries. Ask yourself why he is in so much of a hurry, and use that time to really notice his qualities without being blinded to the reality of the person who is in front of you.