Guest Author - Caroline Henrich
Have you even wondered how you will feel if or when your ex-spouse remarries? You could feel a range of emotions including happiness, relief, sadness, anger, bitterness and loneliness. It may be very difficult to anticipate how you will feel until it actually happens.
I had one friend who always said it would not bother her at all if her ex-husband remarried. She said she knew the marriage was not right for her and she wished the best for her ex-husband. This was until it actually happened.
On the day of his wedding, she cried all day. She was confused as well. Later she realized that she had hid her true feelings of loss. It was not that she wanted to reconcile with him, she had never fully mourned the end of the marriage. Of course, his remarriage forced her to face that their marriage was over forever. Once she acknowledged her feelings, she could work through them and was truly ready to move on with her life. She wished him happiness and sincerely meant it.
On the other hand, people may feel they will be devastated if their ex-spouse remarries. They realize when it happens that it is not that traumatic, because they have emotionally moved on.
Many people also compare themselves to their ex's new spouse. This is not advisable. There is no reason to do this. If he/she is taller than you, who cares? If he/she is thinner than you, who cares? Comparing yourself to another person will not make you feel better and it is unnecessary.
If you feel jealous because your children like your ex's new spouse, acknowledge the emotion and work through it. You should be happy if the person treats your children well and cares about them.
If the new spouse is not kind to your children, ( but is not abusive - this is never acceptable)work with your children and speak with your ex-spouse or his new spouse in a spirit of cooperation.
The key is to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. If you are confident in your life, you should be able to wish your ex-spouse happiness or at worst not be upset. Focus on yourself and your happiness.