If you suspect that your partner is cheating or about to cheat on you, look into it further by gathering as much evidence as possible and building a solid case for your suspicions before confronting your partner about it. Keep in mind, however, that even if your partner has exhibited some or more of the signs discussed here, you should never automatically jump to conclusions. Instead, use the list below as a cautionary measure with which to evaluate your partner and the relationship more objectively. Should your suspicions deepen during this process, it might then be time to address the situation and perhaps even your partner in a mature and responsible manner.
Top Ten Signs of Infidelity:
- Intuitive suspicions - The most telling sign of infidelity is often that little gut feeling, which leads you to believe that something is not quite right with your partner or with the relationship. Your intuition is a valuable tool and while it might not always tell you what you want to hear, it almost always tells you what you need to hear. If that little voice inside your head is waving red flags in your face, you might want to do some detective work to figure out what the problem is.
- Changes in work and travel habits - A sudden increase in “business travels” or drastic changes in working hours could be a sign that your partner is conducting more than business during those unusual and increasingly frequent and/or extended periods of time away from you. Infidelity requires the unfaithful partner to make time for the new lover, which is why so many people use work as an excuse to spend more and more time away from home and away from the partner that they are being unfaithful to.
- Lack of communication - If the lines of communication between you and your partner were once open but now seem strained or downright closed, it could be a sign that your partner has or is about to stray from the relationship. Take a close look at how you and your partner are relating to each other and recognize any significant changes in that area as a sign that trouble may be brewing.
- New or unusual grooming habits - People who are cheating on their partners often become more concerned than normal about how they look and will typically exhibit radical changes in appearance and sometimes in personal hygiene habits. It could be a sign of infidelity if your partner has suddenly developed a newfound interest in physical fitness, has been showering more often or at unusual times, has undergone an unexpected makeover or has made some drastic wardrobe changes. While it could be coincidental that your partner has made one or a few of the changes described above, if the transformation is both sudden and severe, consider it a big red flag.
- Changes in sexual behavior - Watch out for major changes in your sex life. Whether the changes are for better, for worse or just plain different, sudden and drastic changes in the bedroom could be a big indicator that something is wrong in the relationship. If your partner seems to be avoiding sexual contact with you or seems distant when the two of you are intimate, it could be a sign that his/her sexual needs are being met elsewhere.
- Secrecy - There is probably some cause for concern if your partner has suddenly become far more secretive than usual. If your partner doesn’t open up to you the way he/she did in the past or if he/she develops a sudden need for increased privacy, it could mean that he/she is hiding something or someone from you. Some other secrecy related red flags include not answering phone calls in your presence, leaving the room to make calls, using free, private email addresses, and being secretive or defensive about emails and other online activities. Unfortunately, the Internet has made it much easier for cheaters to be unfaithful. If your partner quickly changes the computer screen when you walk into the room, chances are that he/she was up to no good.
- Changes in attitudes or behaviors - Look out for significant changes in the way your partner treats you. Some of these changes might include things like picking fights with you over trivial things, being more irritable than usual with you for extended periods of time, being extremely distant or in some cases overly attentive with you, being very impatient, or having a much shorter fuse than normal. It can also mean trouble when your partner becomes extremely defensive over the smallest things or if he/she suddenly becomes very paranoid and constantly questions your own fidelity without valid reason.
- Erratic spending habits - People who are unfaithful will typically spend money on their lovers. Watch out for any major changes with your partner’s finances. It usually spells trouble if he/she is withdrawing more cash than usual or is making an effort to hide credit card and bank statements.
- Unusual interest in running errands - When it is not possible to use work as an excuse to get away, many unfaithful people resort to taking on errands that will allow them to get away from their partner long enough to make contact with a lover. If your partner keeps volunteering to walk the dog or go pick something up at the store but this is not typical behavior, suggest doing those errands together and watch for any signs of discomfort, frustration or disappointment that your partner might give off in response to your suggestion.
- Frequent inconsistencies - Look out for both subtle and obvious inconsistencies in the relationship. It is not a good sign if you seem to keep catching your partner in little white lies, if he/she is unreachable at certain times of the day, if you discover that he/she is not where you expected him/her to be or if he/she says things that just don’t seem to add up.