Guest Author - Caroline Henrich
The decision as to whether to send your ex-spouse a Christmas or holiday card, e-mail, text or Facebook post depends on numerous factors. These can include the amount of time that has passed since the divorce, whether it was mutual and if you have children together.
It also depends on the message you wish to send or not send. If you believe that you parted as friends and you just wish to send good wishes during this holiday season, then send a message. If however your view is that since the relationship is over, you should separate fully, then it may be better to wait and rethink the decision next year.
If your ex-spouse sends you a card or e-mail and you do not wish to reciprocate, you are under no obligation to do so. If your ex-spouse asks you later why you did not send a card, just thank him or her and advise that you feel uncomfortable at this time but of course you wish him or her the best. This may be the best course of action if you feel your ex-spouse would like to reconcile and you are not interested.
If you think your ex-spouse will react in a physically abuse manner, please make sure you protect yourself. If you have a restraining order against contact, please contact your lawyer or local law enforcement.
On the other hand, you may wish to reconcile with your ex-spouse and sending a Christmas or holiday card or other greeting may be a good way to see if he/she responds. If he/she does not wish to have contact you, it should not subject you to rejection. After all, it is only a holiday greeting. If however, there is a warm response, it could lead to renewed communication and perhaps a friendship at the least or maybe even more.
It is also an opportunity to reach out and let your ex-spouse know that you regret any vindictive or hurtful behavior. Perhaps a short note wishing your ex-spouse a happy holiday could help melt away bitter or angry feelings.
Of course if you have children together, your children may ask you to send a card or greeting to your ex-spouse when they send theirs. If you want to do so, feel free to join them. If you do not, just advise your children that it is important for them to send Christmas or holiday greetings to their mother or father and you are thrilled he/she/they are doing so. This should deflect additional questions.
In any event, I hope you make the best decision for you.