Guest Author - Nicola Jane Soen

We British people think we’re clever,
But get caught out in our nasty weather,
Schools shut up,
Hospital staff to work; don’t go,
Everyone stays in when we get snow!

The summers’ here are kind of the same,
And it’s not the weather that we must blame!
It’s our lack of knowledge and of care,
Respect for our weather; just is not there!

In summer when it’s boiling hot,
The beaches get crammed,
The Beach huts, the lot,
Every person wants a tan,
Visiting the ice-cream van.

But later on the paper’s say,
All about sun’s burning rays,
And how abusive we’ve all been,
Using the sun as a tanning machine.

In spring it’s no better,
Country walkers beware,
If you go down to the woods,
You’d better be prepared,
Its not for Bears, you need be afraid,
But at some doggy doos, a pet has made!

The owners left it for a treat,
And now it’s on your poor dirty feet!
You can’t get it off,
No wiping will do-
It’s stuck in the deep ridges of your shoe!

Hold back that curse that wants to leap out;
Next time you step in it,
When the dogs been out.
There’s a 1000 pound fine,
If the fiends can be found, but it’s you that stepped in it on the muddy old ground!

So what must we learn?
Well, spring and summer; I say;
Keep the dog walkers firmly away!
They can go out in winter, cos we’re all trapped inside,
We have clean feet, and they don’t have to hide!

In spring in the garden,
We gardeners despair,
At the cabbage butterflies,
That have been munching there,
They’ve chewed through the lettuces,
And eaten all the beans,
Even gone through all the rose buds, whose flowers we’ve not seen,

We can’t get out the spray now, cos its ethics that we think,
But there’s now no more salad to rinse off in the sink!

And then on Sunday morning,
We hear a high pitched shriek,
The slugs have been out in force last night;
And eaten up the Leeks,
The delphiniums’ are gone now,
And where they would have been,
Is a slug so fat,
That we’re convinced, he needs a lean fat machine!

The birds nick all our berries,
The wasps suck the fruit off all our trees,
‘These garden pests; Poor ME!’ we cry,
Have brought me to my knees.

And yet when it comes to autumn,
What do we go and buy?
But a nice bird seed table,
For the friendly big magpie!