Guest Author - Danielle Deovlet
Every couple is different. Some date for a year before even making a commitment to each other, while others jump in head first. I have noticed a growing trend among young people to move in together. Some couples make it official and find a place to live together. Sometimes, one person will move into the otherís house. Quite often, couples move in together without even realizing what they are doing. They spend every (or almost every) night together and donít admit to themselves what they are doing. Here are a couple of major points to consider before moving in together:
How long have you been together?
Have you been together only a couple of months? Six months, but you've only known each other all of six months as well? It likely isn't the best idea to move in together with a new relationship. Moving in together is a serious step. Donít look at it as a way to get to know each other better. Look at it as a way to get to know things that you canít when you donít live together. Does your partner still have things to find out about you? If they can learn them without living with you, it probably isn't the right time to live together. There are always exceptions. If you have been friends for years but only in a relationship for a few months, only you know where your relationship stands. Consider if youíre ready to change your relationship so quickly after you changed from friends to a couple.
How committed are you?
While you don't need to be talking about marriage in order to move in together, you should consider what a lifetime with this person is going to be like. Moving in with someone is a step to take if your relationship is strong and serious, not a fun sleepover. If you aren't sure about forever, that is okay. If you know already that this person wonít be forever, donít move in with them. It will just make things messier in the long run.
Do either of you have children?
When there are children involved, things are much more complicated. People with children sometimes jump into serious relationships quicker than others. They are often at a place in their life where they are ready to settle down. Children anchor you. Single life is different for those without children.
Take your children into consideration. If they are older, ask them how they feel about it. If they are younger, be sure that this person will be around for a long time. Children can get attached to people and you donít want to be moving someone new in every 2 or 3 years.
Are you ready?
The most important question is if youíre ready. Reflect on your relationship and decide if you are ready for this next step. Bring it up with your partner as well. You wouldn't want them to feel backed into a corner or pressured into doing something that they aren't ready for. If you ask them and make it clear that you want to hear their feelings about it, you can avoid what could be a stressor in the relationship. Be sure to listen to them and yourself and communicate honestly.
If you still aren't sure, ask some close friendsÖor ask random readers in our dating forum!
If you are sureÖ..well maybe you can recruit some movers.