Left Behind: A Spouse's Guide to Surviving a Deployment
"I've got orders." Those are the words most military spouses can't bear to hear, especially when the orders don't include them. Whether the orders are for temporary duty (TDY), an unaccompanied tour, or your loved one is marching off to the world's latest hot spot here is some advice to help get you through it.
Before
* Create a family readiness checklist. Have your important papers and
information in order and accessible. These include birth certificates,
shot records, passports, visas, etc.
* Complete a calendar with important dates marked on it. Each of you can keep a copy so you won't miss birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, bill payments, etc.
*Discuss how you plan to stay in contact during deployment. You may wish to pre-address and stamp envelopes. Sometimes email and telephone service is available to the service member.
* If you work and have children, arrange for dependable childcare.
* Talk to your children and spouse about the deployment. Try to settle any unresolved issued before the deployment.
* Take pictures and make video and audio recordings of each child with the deploying service member.
* Encourage the deploying family member to spend individual time with each child and yourself.
* Don't say "goodbye." It sounds so final. My husband and I like to say "I'll see you soon."
During
* Set goals for yourself and follow through.
* Don't isolate yourself. Stay busy, get involved, and get out of the house. Try volunteering, going back to school, taking up a hobby, getting a part time job, etc.
* Take a day trip or weekend trip to local interest points and take a friend.
* Get to know your neighbors and make new friends, especially with other military spouses. You may have to call on them during an emergency and they will play a big part in your support network.
* Don't try to compensate the temporary loss of a loved one by taking on too much. Learn to say "no." You're never going to be able to please everyone, so don't feel guilty about it.
* Get regular exercise.
* If you think you are too stressed out or getting depressed, recognize it and get help.
* For children, try to stay on routine, but still be flexible enough for special outings.
* Get involved in your children's school.
* Let your child keep his or her own picture of the deployed member and don't forger to play the video and audio tapes you made.
* Contact your Family Support Group. They're there to help you.
After
* There will be a period of readjustment for all family members once your spouse has returned from deployment.
* Sometimes, it takes time to reestablish sexual intimacy. That's normal.
You can talk it over.
* Do not be defensive about the way you've handled the household while the service member was away. Discuss criticisms calmly.
* When your family is reunited, spend your initial time with each other without outsiders present. That means immediate family members only for the first couple days.
* The routine you had set up while the family member was away will change. Try to move slowly. You will especially notice the changes where disciplining the children is concerned.
* It is easy to be envious of the travels your service member has been on, especially since you weren't a part of it. Try to be compassionate and considerate. If it becomes too much to listen to then just ask him or her to ease up. You'll have plenty of time to listen to it all before the next deployment.
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