Animal Quotations - Quotations

Guest Author - Danielle Hollister

"Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted."
-- Anonymous
"If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about...five minutes."
-- Anonymous
" A wise man associating with the vicious becomes an idiot; a dog travelling with good men becomes a rational being."
--Arabian Proverb
"I gave my beauty and my youth to men. I am going to give my wisdom and experience to animals."
--Brigitte Bardot
"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window."
-- Steve Bluestone
"All of the animals excepting man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it."
--Samuel Butler
"A dog barks when his master is attacked. I would be a coward if I saw that God's truth is attacked and yet would remain silent."
--John Calvin
"Whenever you observe an animal closely, you feel as if a human being sitting inside were making fun of you."
--Elias Canetti, The Human Province
"I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot."
-- John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show
"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
-- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
"I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul."
-- Jean Cocteau
"... I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time."
-- Colette
"What if it was cats who invented technology... would they have tv shows starring rubber sqeak toys?"
-- Douglas Coupland
"Man is the most intelligent of the animals -- and the most silly."
-- Diogenes
"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms."
-- George Eliot
"In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats."
-- English Proverb
"I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better."
-- George Bird Evans
"When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago."
-- John Frazee
" Diamonds are a girl's best friend and dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex has more sense."
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated."
--Mohandas Gandhi
"Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to."
--Joe Gores
"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."
-- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
"Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it."
--Robert Heinlein
"You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion. Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but now, as yet, intelligent enough."
--Aldous Huxley
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon. Hence the constant popularity of dogs."
--Aldous Huxley
"Love to eat them mousies. Mousie's what I love to eat. Bite they little heads off. Nibble on they tiny feet."
-- B. Kliban
"When the old dog barks it is time to watch."
-- Latin Proverb
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
--Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )
"What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then."
-- Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994
"All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than the animals that know nothing."
-- Maurice Maeterlinck
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."
-- Groucho Marx
"Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture."
-- Jacquelyn Mitchard, The Deep End of the Ocean
"Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to."
--Alfred A. Montapert
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
--Sue Murphy
"The trouble with a kitten is THAT Eventually it becomes a CAT."
-- Ogden Nash
"When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby."
-- Nigerian Proverb
"A hippo does not have a sting in its tail, but a wise man would still rather be sat on by a bee."
-- Polish proverb
"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?"
--Eleanor H. Porter (1868 - 1920), Pollyanna, 1912
"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."
--Gilda Radner
"A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever, and generally stopping before it gets there."
-- Agnes Repplier
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
-- Rita Rudner
"There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats."
-- Albert Schweitzer
"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
-- Anna Sewell (1820 - 1878), Black Beauty, 1877
"Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from the other animals....except weasels."
-- Homer Simpson, character from The Simpsons, U.S. animated television show
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
-- Lily Tomlin
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
-- Mark Twain
"Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to."
-- Mark Twain
"The more I know about people, the better I like my dog."
-- Mark Twain
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."
--Unknown
"In ancient egypt, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
--Unknown
"The dog is the only being that loves you more than you love yourself."
--Fritz von Unruh
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
--Jeff Valdez
"Fainthearted animals move about in herds. The lion walks alone in the desert. Let the poet always walk thus."
--Alfred Victor Vigny
"We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry."
-- John Webster
"If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer."
--Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)
"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox--the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable."
-- Oscar Wilde
"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
-- Steven Wright
"Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!"
-- Steven Wright

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