Guest Author - Tracy Hamilton
‘No matter how successful, assertive, or powerful some women are, the moment they become involved with a man they begin to give up part of themselves - their social life, their time alone, their spiritual practice, their beliefs and values. In time, these women find they have merged their lives with their partners’ to the point where they have no life to go back to when and if the relationship ends’ Loving Him Without Losing Yourself, Beverley Engel
Does the above sound familiar? Are you prone to waiting for someone to come along, and then give up everything you value and enjoy to be with him? This is all too common at the beginning of a ‘relationship’ especially because it is all new and exciting. However, this is just a dating phase, and by giving up all the things you enjoy you are effectively saying that you, and your life don’t matter.
It is never a good idea to give up yourself for anyone as things soon become stale with all the expectations of keeping 'you' happy are placed on ‘him’. Not really fair is it? When you value yourself and your life, you will maintain that as a way of keeping the relationship strong and healthy. You will make your happiness your responsibility, and not someone else's.
Would you rather remain independent within a relationship or dependant, and needy of your partner? Many woman belief that they can’t do anything without their mans approval, they can’t make plans to see their friends incase he wants to see them, or that having their own life will interfere with the relationship somehow.
If you are with the 'right person', they will want you to do the things that make you happy. They will support you in you endeavours, and encourage you to go for your dreams.
Becoming someone that you would like to spend time with is more important than trying to be someone to please someone else. Would you like to be with someone who has no life, no hobbies, and no motivation to make changes until they find the perfect person to make it worthwhile?
A relationship is where two people to come together to enhance each others lives; not to be saved from them. Have you ever felt desperation coming from someone you are dating? Wanting things to move too fast and telling you they love you within a couple of dates? That is desperation. You need to ask yourself; what is their rush, and honour the part in you that needs to take things slow.
The goal for being in a relationship should be one that allows you both growth, self expression and honesty. When dating ask yourself if the person sitting in front of you can offer those possibilities? If yes pursue it, if no, be strong and walk away.