Myth #4: I DON'T HAVE TO BRAG;
PEOPLE WILL DO IT FOR ME

It's great if someone says something nice about you, but don't hold your breath. Although letting others do the bragging for you is one tool in your goody bag, it isn't your only tool. And it's no substitute for you. No one is going to have your interests at heart the way you do. No one will ever tell your story and get people excited about you like you can. Plus, nine times out of ten, when those to whom you report talk positively about your work to others, it's usually because there is something in it for them. Unfortunately, the accolade is often framed in such a way as to bolster them, more than you!

Since most people rarely acquire the skills to promote and talk about themselves, many come to rely on others to do the dirty work and boast on their behalf. As children, most of us have at least one adoring fan who pushes us along, builds our ego and self-esteem: a parent, a coach, a favorite aunt or grandparent who takes us under a wing, or a teacher who's convinced we're the next Einstein or Michael Jordan. Where we start to really stumble is when we grow up. When we no longer have our childhood cheerleading squad on hand, many of us wrongly presume that others in the workplace will fill their shoes and continue with unconditional support for our accomplishments and us. And even then, when someone occasionally sings our praises to others, we tend to deflect the compliments with self-deprecating comments: "Oh, no, it wasn't anything," or like Patty, in the preceding example, "It wasn't me. It was really the team."

Looking Out for #1

Bill, age twenty-one, a quiet, understated, no-nonsense type of guy, has yet to grasp the most basic rules when it comes to self-promotion. He's a go-getter salesman who has just placed first in the Southwestern division for selling more of his company's software than anyone. He believes that his numbers speak for themselves and he assumes that his boss, who has praised him often for his sales prowess, will let the higher-ups know.

When his boss presents his division's sales results and estimates to senior management, here is what he says: "We've had an excellent first half; we are up twenty-five percent, a remarkable feat considering the tech downturn." When asked by the CEO what's working, Bill's boss replies, "I've put a top-notch sales force in place and I've trained them well. You know that problem we were having with our fixed-pricing schedule? Well, I sat down with Fred, the marketing director, and we determined that if we allowed our sales guys some greater flexibility and let them customize some of the pricing-within limits, of course-we'd sell substantially more units. And that is exactly what happened."

When someone mentions that she heard about Bill getting the award for the most sales in the Southwest, his boss says, "I knew the day he walked in that I could whip him into shape. I worked hard to get him on board, and it's paid off."

Even though Bill got the sales award, the boss took most of the credit. Bill's lackluster bragging skills limited him on two levels. First, because he placed very little importance on making personal connections with his boss or senior management, they had no vested interest in him, other than some guy making his numbers. Second, Bill's tight-lipped "sales are the only thing that matters" mentality is shortsighted. Had he revealed something more about himself and his story, his boss would have learned that Bill is from a tough neighborhood. He put himself through school and now spends a lot of his leisure time as a mentor with troubled youth. Knowing this, his boss might have told the CEO instead, "I knew the day he walked in that Bill was gold. He had already worked his way through college, and that kind of can-do attitude has paid off." Now, suddenly an image of Bill appears in everyone's mind. He becomes more than just a good hire. He becomes a gutsy, hardworking guy with a can-do attitude.

And if Bill had mentioned to his boss his work with youth, a seed might have been planted. One of the higher-ups in the meeting asks Bill's boss if he knows of anyone who might be interested in starting a high-profile community outreach program to enhance the company's image. Bill's boss says, "Not off the top of my head," and Bill misses another golden opportunity. Seldom are we encouraged to bring our background, our experience, and our enthusiasm to the table and weave them into a compelling human-interest story. It's ironic that with all the advances in communications technology, our interpersonal business communication skills languish in the Dark Ages.

Myth #5: MORE IS BETTER

It's a beautiful California morning. I am in my office early when the phone rings and I answer it. Immediately I am once again reminded that self-promotion is all about the quality of one's message and story, rather than a boring list of accomplishments. As the following discussion so vividly demonstrates, it doesn't matter what you've done; if you can't sell yourself in a way that's inviting to others, people shut down.

"Hi, is Peggy Klaus in?" asked a female voice. "Yes, this is she." Never stopping to ask if this was a good time to talk, this stranger proceeded to launch into a litany of her accomplishments, delivered with the precision of a Power-Point presentation.

"I am so excited to talk to you. I just graduated with a degree in communication. I was an excellent student with a 4.0 GPA. I wrote for the school newspaper, which has won accolades from all over the state. I also interned at a local advertising agency during the summers for the last four years. I have a very good reputation and references. For my term paper, I wrote about the changing role of communication in our society today. I think I would be perfect for a job in communication, and since you are involved in that, I wanted to speak with you."

I said, "I'm sorry, what was your name?" She stated her name, but before I could get another word in edgewise, to my utter amazement, she continued: "I also forgot to tell you, I don't know how I could have forgotten, because it's so important, but I can't begin work for another month because I won a prestigious service award and will be traveling to Africa next month to help needy children."

I finally had to say, "Excuse me, Sarah. Obviously you've done so many things, but I have to tell you that I am not looking to hire anyone at this point. You might want to consider some of the larger firms in the area." "Thank you for talking to me," she responded meekly, sounding as if the air had seeped out of her overinflated balloon.

Sarah, like many, is a victim of a one-size-fits-all method of presentation that emphasizes form over authenticity.

If she had only started off by asking, "Is this a convenient time to talk?," by telling me how she had learned about my firm, and by engaging me in a thirty-second story about herself, the result would have been different. Even though I wasn't hiring, I would have offered her the name of a personal friend who was. As it was, I just wanted to get her off the phone.

The Last Bragging Myths: #6 and #7