g Text Version
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
News & Politics
Religion & Spirituality
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies

Bored? Games!
Take a Quiz
Rate My Photo

Autism Spectrum Disorders
Mental Health
Blogs / Social Networking
Kidney Disease
Today in History

All times in EST

Full Schedule
g Child Loss Site

BellaOnline's Child Loss Editor


Making Arrangements after Your Child Dies

There are so many things happening around you during those first days after your child dies. Quite honestly, you are in shock. Whether you were “prepared” for your child to die because you knew of their illness ahead of time or whether it was sudden, there is shock. The natural order of things has shifted. Our daughter died quite suddenly and unexpectedly so naturally this is the place from where I write.

During this initial shock, we the parents are asked to make arrangements for our dear child. Arrangements? What are we to “arrange”? Such a tidy, polite way of saying “we have to decide what to do with the remains”. Logically, we know we have to do this. Emotionally, we are crippled.

First there is the decision of how; bury or cremate? It is a very painful, personal question and, as in our case, one we had never thought of before. Ultimately, we chose to cremate because we wanted to bring her home with us; it felt right that she should be home. It is entirely up to the individuals involved – some will want to honor their religious beliefs, others will want to keep their family’s wishes. I believe it is a matter of doing what you feel is respectful to your child and you. It is extremely helpful to have a funeral home that will stick to your requests as closely as they can. They are well trained to guide you through this process and offer you options they think are most useful to your circumstances.

When planning the services, try to remember that you need to do what best reflects who you are and how you want to represent your child. Our daughter was 8 so we chose to represent her as an eight year old little girl who loved her teddy bear and dragonflies and fairies and dolphins and the sea. We incorporated family memories by asking cousins and uncles and aunts to share stories. We never used the words “a celebration of life” because we felt her life was too short and we weren’t celebrating. We used the word remembrance instead. We brought her teddy bear with us. We asked for flowers that would reflect her love of the ocean. We read a poem that she liked. We just did what our hearts told us to do.

There is no right or wrong way to do these things. But it might help to remember that this particular day of your life, as hideous and unfair and as painful as it is, might one day bring you a moment of melancholic peace as you reflect on the day you buried your child. Make it a day that allows you to feel just a hint of knowing you did a good job on behalf of your daughter or son.

Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Twitter Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Facebook Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to MySpace Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Del.icio.us Digg Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Yahoo My Web Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Google Bookmarks Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Stumbleupon Add Making+Arrangements+after+Your+Child+Dies to Reddit

RSS | Related Articles | Editor's Picks Articles | Top Ten Articles | Previous Features | Site Map

For FREE email updates, subscribe to the Child Loss Newsletter

Past Issues

Printer Friendly
tell friend
Tell a Friend
Email Editor

Content copyright © 2015 by Christine Phillips. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Christine Phillips. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Christine Phillips for details.


g features
A Foundation in Her Honor

A Moment of Clarity

Our Grief Forever Remains

Archives | Site Map


Past Issues

Less than Monthly

BellaOnline on Facebook

| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2015 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

BellaOnline Editor