Managing the Various Stages and Levels of Grief
A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime
The sights and smells and sounds of the holidays are constant interruptions, annoyances and reminders of times past; we wish this holiday stuff would just go away.
A life of Sorrow
Knowing that your remaining life is to be lived under the everpresent cloud of sadness
I don’t seem to have a sense of control, pinging from one emotion to the next, feeling and unfeeling all at once. It is an uneasy, disturbed sensation in the background of my emotions that makes me feel unmanageable. I’ve been trying to put my finger on it and it has eluded me. Until today.
Hindsight Is My Enemy
How looking back you realize you cannot change anything.
How Long Does It Take to Grieve?
How many times do we have to get up, put one foot in front of the other and get on with it? When does the grief process end?
I Am Wailing
It’s now a year and a half since her death and I feel the anguish as real today as I did that very first horrific day. I am wailing still and imagine I always will.
It Doesn't Get Easier
My daughter died two and a half years ago and it feels like yesterday. I am not better; I’m just getting used to feeling this way.
It Is Right To Stay Here
Am I crazy to contemplate leaving this life to be with my deceased child? Is it normal to think about taking my own life so that I might find my dear daughter and be together again? Is it ok to want to leave this world to be with her in her new world? If I leave this place, will the pain go away?
Just Keep Swimming...
It’s summer time and I watch my 6 year old learn to swim down to retrieve a diving bar. A simple task to some but for us, it is a monumental reminder that she can breathe and her 8 year old sister could not. It is a tribute to the strength of her sister who kept going even when it was so hard.
Life's Daily Tasks
It's the little things that hit me hardest every day...
Loss Of A Child - The First Week
There is no process for grieving. There is no right way to grieve. Here are some things that helped me through that first week after our daughter died.
Making Arrangements after Your Child Dies
Thinking about funeral arrangements and how to do them is really the last thing you want to think about when your child dies. Logically, you know it has to be done. Emotionally, you are crippled. Here are a few things that worked for us.
Masking Our Grief
In the early days after your child dies, it can be quite clear to the outside world what stage of grief you are in - shock, anger, etc. But as times passes, they see us functioning again, maybe even having a laugh. Do they think we're "over it"? We learn to hide our grief behind a mask.
How everything can remind you of your child
No Day is Different
Whether it's been a week, a month, or a year, no day is different than the next. They are all grueling.
The Holidays are Salt in the Wound
I used to love this time of the year. Now it's like rubbing salt in an open wound.
The Meaning of Regret
We all have experiences in our lives that have caused us to feel regret. Since our daughter died, the feeling of regret will haunt us forever.
The Necessity of Shock
We’ve been living under a cloak of shock. The cloak is velvety and soft, almost comforting, but very heavy and burdensome and at times feels like it might cover me up. Still, under it is a better place than being without it altogether.
The Pain of Silence
When Aine died we heard a new sound. Emptiness.
The Week of School Vacation is Wretched
It’s school vacation week again, a time of the school season I used to really love because I could just hang out with my daughters. But now I dread it.
The Weeks Leading Up to Christmas
Our daughter is dead and we all we hear is “merry Christmas” or “enjoy the holidays” or “the new year will be better”. ‘Tis the season to be jolly does not compute. Merry and bright are the opposite descriptions of how we really feel. Holly, jolly, fa, la, la, la, la. Blah.
How time feels like it moves so slowly and yet is gone so quickly.
Is Valentine's Day difficult for the grieving parent?
What Are The Odds?
Now and again you might think “what if” something happened to my child but you quickly dismiss the thought because it is too painful and frightening to imagine; it strikes a nerve so deep that you avoid the subject at all costs.
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Do I have a new code of moral ethics that rationalizes selfishness for my survival?
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