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Math Humor - Puns from Yesteryear


Allow these puns from yesteryear to put a smile on your face.

When a man is short of money he finds most of his friends whom he meets short-sighted.
Little Mary, quite contrary,
How does your appetite grow?
Lobsters and quail, champagne in a pail,
And a "friend" to supply all the dough!
**********

"Only a silver watch," said the pawnbroker. "The last time I advanced you money on your watch it had a solid gold case."

"Yes," replied Hard-uppe, "but—er—circumstances alter cases, you know."
**********

PLAYWRIGHT—"There is a great climax in the last act. Just as two burglars climb in the kitchen window the clock strikes one; then——"

MANAGER CONN—"Be more explicit. Which one did the clock strike?"
**********

To-morrow never comes, they say;
But all such talk is idle gush,
For when we have a debt to pay
To-morrow gets there with a rush.
**********

"Two wrongs don't make a right."
"Yes, they do."
"How so?"
"Why, some one passed a counterfeit five-dollar bill on me to-day; that was wrong. I gave it to my landlady for board; that was wrong, but it made me right."
**********

"Are you the photographer?"
"Yes sir."
"Do you take children's pictures?"
"Yes sir."
"How much do you charge?"
"Three dollars a dozen."
"Well, I have to see you again. I've only got eleven."
**********

SHE—"They say that your father is a millionaire. Is it true?"
HE—"Yes; and, strange to say, I am one also."
SHE—"How do you make that out?"
HE—"Why, I am the only child, therefore I am a million heir, of course."
**********

"I'm afraid the bed is not long enough for you," said the landlord to a seven-foot guest.
"Never mind," he replied; "I'll add two more feet to it when I get in."
**********

"When Mr. Casey died he left all he had to an orphan asylum."
"Indeed! That was nice of him. What did he leave?"
"His twelve children."
**********

"Did you ever hear about the two holes in our back-yard?"
"Well! Well!"
**********

"I cannot play second fiddle to any one."
"Then be my beau!"
**********

"What is the plural of man, Johnny?" asked the teacher of a small pupil.
"Men," answered Johnny.
"Correct," said the teacher. "And what is the plural of child?"
"Twins," was the unexpected answer.
**********



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Content copyright © 2014 by Beverly Mackie. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Beverly Mackie. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Beverly Mackie for details.

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