Guest Author - Paula Petrie

Kids need to have a good understanding of feelings: to cope with their own emotions socially; to learn how to take responsibility for their words and their actions toward others, and to determine when moods are creating a frame of mind affecting how they, and others, act.

Some self-motivation tips for helping kids assume responsibility for their emotions include:

Making time for them to analyze their feelings and the part those feelings may play in a squabble rather than dwelling on the words, actions or motives of other people. This will help a child feel responsible for their actions. Developing the wisdom to objectively see all sides, and feelings, impartially will help kids learn to compromise. Children are more apt to deal with their own emotions in a constructive way if they are not blaming someone else.

Developing the discipline to work towards a goal, despite self-doubt, the degree of difficulty, or how long it may take to succeed. Start small, say a paint-by-numbers picture or doing a puzzle.

Using feelings to help make tough decisions, for example, “How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't," or "How will you feel if I do this?" This helps possibilities and consequences seem more real.

Gaining empathy for others by being able to recognize what another may be feeling. To be open to what others say and also don’t say (in nonverbal cues.) Developing an understanding that both their own, and the moods of others are important to getting along. Sometimes, they or another person, may have to deal with their own mood before they can communicate well.

When trying to understand what another person is feeling, kids can ask themselves, "How would I feel if that happened to me?" “Why would I feel that way?” and "What would help me feel better?" It is also a good practice to ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"

Kids also need help in learning to manage relationships

Discuss why kids are arguing and also the reasons behind what each child is feeling. It is OK to disagree. A child can understand another person’s feelings, even if they don't agree, and it’s good to calmly explain their own feelings and why they feel the way they do.

Cooperating and working or playing as a team. Negotiating resolutions that take the needs and feelings of others into consideration. Kids need to learn that having their own way isn’t always the best way and ignoring the feelings of others isn’t winning. Having someone to play with may be better than the other child leaving; but, enjoying each others company is the best.

Kids need to learn by a parents example, how to manage and discuss problems in a calm manner; and, strengthen their abilities to remain calm and reasonable even if others can’t.

For kids to be emotionally successful they need to take responsibility for their words, actions, and moods. More tips can be found in the articles “Helping Kids Manage Moods," and "Helping Kids With Their Emotions."