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BellaOnline's Stress Management Editor

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How To Get The Support You Need


Ever experience stress-induced back pain? One theory is that emotionally you don’t feel supported as you are the consummate multi-tasker. So, what keeps you from simply asking for what you need, enlisting the support of family members, friends, colleagues and your boss?

Basically, it’s too little “identity equity.” This means if you don’t believe in yourself, how can you trust others? Also, consider when you are too proud to ask for help, you cannot tap into your inner wisdom of networking, collaborating and growing from the experience.

The problem is that many people confuse asking for help with a sign of weakness. However, the opposite is usually the case. When you ask for help whether at home or the office, you are demonstrating strength by acting like a team player and a “future manager” (think promotion at work) who gets tasks done with other people on board. Note: There is strength in numbers and the potential for greater creativity.

The key is to know the best ways to ask for help.
  • Begin each day like a student with a beginner’s mind, eager to learn and grow, instead of demanding or teaching everyone a long-winded lesson. Remember when you were a child and asked your teacher, fellow classmates or parents for help with an assignment? Getting help propelled you to the next level. Tap into a positive memory using it to ask for support.
  • Don’t whine about how depleted and overwhelmed you are with an endless to-do list. Instead think of possible support solutions and involve those whose help you seek in the process. Consequently, you won’t be ordering anyone to do anything. Rather, you are seeking an advisor or a strategist.
  • Match your request to their energy. “Is this a good time for you?” Sometimes you want immediate gratification, but the other person is stressed, anxious, or overloaded with personal tasks. If you time your request badly, you will receive a resounding “no” for an answer.
  • When you receive help, make sure to attribute full credit. This will facilitate future support.

Now that you know how to ask, start building up your identity equity:
  • Break the cycle of martyrdom and do things which enhance your own identity. Habituate to accomplishing just for yourself instead of everyone in your circle. This means establishing emotional /spiritual balance in your life specifically the balance between giving and receiving. It is important to let others give to you otherwise you will tip over from all that giving.
  • Practice saying thank you when someone compliments you- without adding any qualification. In other words, own the compliment.
  • Don’t neglect maintaining a physical balance of eating healthy foods, exercising and sleeping at night. This will help you to operate from a point of emotional strength and clear thinking. A strong body houses a strong mind. If you are tired and hungry, any little stressor can set you off.

For more information on managing your stress and reclaiming your life read my book, Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life. To listen to archived radio shows with guest experts visit Turn On Your Inner Light Radio Show




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Content copyright © 2013 by Debbie Mandel. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Debbie Mandel. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Debbie Mandel for details.

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