g Text Version
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
News & Politics
Religion & Spirituality
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies

Bored? Games!
Take a Quiz
Rate My Photo

Women's Fashion
Small Office/Home Office
Holiday/Seasonal Cooking
Crafts for Kids

All times in EST

Full Schedule
g Stress Management Site

BellaOnline's Stress Management Editor


Learn How to Keep Friends

As we get older, we find that we have fewer friends. Not because they have died, but because we have let them die in our hearts. We donít invest the effort, the personal attention, friends require. We collect many acquaintances along the way, but maintain fewer friends. When we were children, making friends was easy and natural. We were emotionally freer then, unafraid to open our hearts and communicate our feelings and needs. We didnít fear rejection the way we do now. We didnít keep score regarding who called whom last. We didnít hold on to argumentative words, but instead forgave readily and completely.

In order to de-stress and experience true happiness we need to connect more deeply with others. Our friends remind us of the song in our hearts when we have forgotten the words. Our friends give us objective advice when we are too close to the big picture. Our friends listen to our troubles without judgment and with great compassion.

However, friendship is not always idyllic. We grow and change; likewise, friends move on. They might speak their truths, often upsetting us unintentionally. To preserve and nurture a special relationship, a friendship that is more positive than negative, requires honest, assertive - but not aggressive- communication. Hereís how to communicate:
  • Choose the proper time and place for your discussion. If the other person is stressed, or busy, even if you need to vent, control yourself and wait. Timing is everything.
  • Begin with a neutral topic, something you both agree on. Say something pleasant to your friend. Affirm what he or she does right, even if at the moment this is a big reach for you. No one wants to be pelted with critical remarks.
  • Avoid judging your friend, or using adjectives that convey criticism. Try to objectively, clinically, and briefly describe the action or words that have upset you. Keep the details concretely to the point. Donít digress and include past indiscretions.
  • Express your feelings about what happened. For example, ďI felt humiliated when you revealed my secret in public.Ē ďI was sad when you didnít come help me unpack when I moved into the new place.Ē
  • Communicate specifically what it is you want your friend to do, or not to do. No one is a mind reader.
  • Now that you have cleared the air, let it go. I mean really let it go and make plans to have a good time with your friend.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer at Southampton College. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WHLI 1100AM in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com

Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Twitter Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Facebook Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to MySpace Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Del.icio.us Digg Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Yahoo My Web Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Google Bookmarks Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Stumbleupon Add Learn+How+to+Keep+Friends to Reddit

RSS | Editor's Picks Articles | Top Ten Articles | Previous Features | Site Map

For FREE email updates, subscribe to the Stress Management Newsletter

Past Issues

Printer Friendly
tell friend
Tell a Friend
Email Editor

Content copyright © 2015 by Debbie Mandel. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Debbie Mandel. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Debbie Mandel for details.


g features
How To Manage Your Brexit Stress

Double Your Productivity At Work By Standing

Stressed About Getting Alzheimerís? Try Exercise

Archives | Site Map


Past Issues

Less than Monthly

BellaOnline on Facebook

| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2015 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

BellaOnline Editor