Guest Author - Paula Petrie

“A gentleman never dodges: his eyes look straight forward, and he assures the other party, first of all, that he has been met.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Being respectful to another person’s thoughts, feelings, and actions helps strengthen each child’s own self respect and character. What distinguishes respect?

Gratitude. Teaching our children to say thank-you. To thank another person for their time and help, being nice, and for presents or compliments, will teach respect for another’s rights. Letting children see our own gratitude for our many blessings, shows humility.

Empathy. Teaching our children to listen to someone else’s opinion, without being judgmental or defensive, is offering respect to individuality. Learning to be considerate of someone else’s likes or dislikes helps children grow unselfishly. Children should be shown that differences are what make other people and other cultures interesting. Kids should be encouraged to learn more about others. Help children examine reasons why classmates or siblings may act a certain way.

Compassion. Teaching our children how unkind words and inconsiderate actions can make someone else feel. Ask children how they would feel if treated this way. Ask how they may react to unkind actions. Show children how they could act in a positive way, even when treated poorly.

Kindness. Showing our children positive examples of how kind actions and words help someone, if that person is shy or tired, for example. Sometimes being generous when a child knows he/she could win, or outsmart a younger person, needs to be shown to direct children to humility. We should also be generous emotionally with our children.

Apologies. Teaching our children to confess their mistakes or inappropriate behavior, for example, when a child has been disrespectful. This helps children feel honest, self-respect, and not secretive or burdened with the feeling of having gotten away with something.

Respect is earned. Being respectful needs to be re-enforced by showing our children they must treat others the way they wish to be treated. Bullies often try to force others to respect them but the emotional reaction they really get is fear. We should show by example that other people should not be bossed around when we want them to do something. And teach our children to never communicate with insults, or sarcasm.

We can talk a fine talk but we don’t truly know ourselves till we are placed in a situation that tests us. I like to hope for the best but I feel the results of having just been tested quite often, and although I try, I’m afraid the results aren’t always favorable. Sometimes respecting other people requires us to initiate the difficult conversations we would rather avoid, or self-respect requires our being honest in how we feel even though that may go against another person's wishes.

The plus side I guess is these lessons teach empathy for the “human condition,” not just the good bits but also the negative side that drags us down till we deal with it as well, and that is an important understanding for kids to observe and grasp for the maintenance of self respect, (treating ourselves as we wish others to treat us.) Remember, children absorb what they live with. We need to be examples of what we would like them to become.