After Dave and I were married, we went to an attorney to have wills drawn up. When we sat down with the attorney, he helped us set up a plan for who would care for the kids when we were gone, who would handle our "estate" (we were both rather poor and had a good laugh over that), and also helped establish a living trust for our son Kyle, who is disabled.

The other thing the lawyer did was "advise" us on how to proceed with raising Dave's three kids (my step kids). At the time, Derek was 11 and Kira and Kyle were 9. Dave had full-time custody of the kids, so they were with us all the time. The attorney told me that I should let Dave raise his kids and that I shouldn't "interfere."

While neither Dave or I are comfortable physically punishing the children – his or ours – living in a household in which I had no say over what the kids were allowed to do, when they had to come home, who they spent their time with … I'm not sure that would have worked so well.

Luckily, Dave disregarded the attorney's advice, and so did I. Dave and I believed that by choosing to get married, we were choosing to make ourselves a family. While I am not the kids' biological mother, and never forced the kids to consider me "Mom," I am the other adult parent in the household. Dave and I handle the requests of the kids as consistently as possible, and talk to each other about the major things, like how old Kira has to be to date (16!), and whether or not the kids get their own vehicles when they get their driver's license (no!).

It has not always been easy. Dave was protective of the kids and tended to interject and occasionally undermine my authority in the earliest days we were together. It probably caused most of our arguments in the beginning. But both of us believe that had I stood aside and let Dave raise “his” kids would have been short-sighted and foolish.

Through all of the ups and downs regarding discipline and the best way to raise our children, Dave and I have grown closer and wiser. The kids know that we are one family. We would rather have chaos and the gray area that defines our blended family than a hard line between the two of us that defines only one of us as the authority. We did not take our attorney’s advice. Our family does struggle from time to time, but we enjoy our share of happiness as well and neither of us would want anything to change.